Stupid sayings – a collection of nonsensical phrases

The early bird may get the worm, but the late worm gets to sleep in.

A penny saved is a penny that you’ll probably lose in your couch cushions anyway.

If at first you don’t succeed, maybe skydiving isn’t for you.

The grass is always greener on the other side because it’s probably fake turf.

It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s how loud it barks.

Don’t cry over spilled milk, unless it’s the last carton and you really wanted cereal.

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back with nine lives.

You can’t teach an old dog new tricks, but you can definitely train it to ignore you.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless you want an omelette.

Actions speak louder than words, but sometimes a good scream really gets your point across.

Don’t bite the hand that feeds you, unless they have snacks and you’re hungry.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade and find someone whose life gave them vodka.

What goes up must come down, unless it’s your phone’s battery percentage.

Rome wasn’t built in a day, but it probably would’ve been faster with power tools.

Ignorance is bliss, until someone tells you how much you missed out on.

When life gives you melons, you’re probably dyslexic.

The early bird catches the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, or they might find out and change their minds.

A watched pot never boils, but it’ll definitely spill over if you forget about it.

People who live in glass houses probably spent a fortune on curtains.

There’s no such thing as a free lunch, but there is such thing as a discount code.

If you want something done right, don’t ask someone who’s bad at everything.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too, but you can have someone else’s cake and eat it while they cry.

Laughter is the best medicine, except when you have a broken leg.

If you’re going to jump off a bridge, make sure it’s for a really good reason.

Good things come to those who wait, but great things come to those who Google.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, but so is a really bad tan.

The road to hell is paved with good intentions, and terrible drivers.

If you can’t beat them, join them and then beat them from the inside.

It’s better to be safe than sorry, but it’s even better to be safe and not have to say sorry.

There’s no smoke without fire, but sometimes there’s just a really bad vape.

The early bird gets the worm, but the late bird gets the best parking spot.

If you can’t stand the heat, stay out of the kitchen and order takeout.

Don’t judge a book by its cover, unless the cover is made of chocolate.

When in Rome, do as the Romans do, unless the Romans are doing something illegal.

You win some, you lose some, but you’re definitely more likely to lose some.

All that glitters is not gold, but it could be a really good highlighter.

A penny for your thoughts, or a dollar if the thoughts are really interesting.

Where there’s smoke, there’s fire, and an Instagram influencer taking selfies.

The squeaky wheel gets the grease, but it might also be really annoying.

If life throws you lemons, throw them back and demand a refund.

It’s a piece of cake, unless it’s one of those fancy fondant ones that taste like disappointment.

You can’t have your cake and eat it too, but you can have pie and then have cake after.

There’s no time like the present, unless the present is a toaster and you’re in the bath.

Don’t judge a man until you’ve walked a mile in his shoes, but then make sure to wear them better.

If all your friends jumped off a bridge, make sure you’re wearing a really cool parachute.

A watched pot never boils, but it definitely makes the water seem like it takes forever to boil.

If two wrongs don’t make a right, try three wrongs and a left, it might get you where you’re going faster.

Don’t put all your eggs in one basket, unless you’re really tired of going back and forth from the fridge.

It’s better to have loved and lost, because then you have more time for Netflix.

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