Quotes

Stupid quotes that make no sense

The sky is falling, but don’t worry, it’s just a really low cloud.

On a good day, I can feel the wind talking to me. On a bad day, I just hear myself talking to the wind.

If life gives you lemons, make orange juice and leave people wondering how you did it.

Don’t count your chickens before they hatch, unless you’re a math teacher teaching about probabilities.

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

Some people say the glass is half empty, others say it’s half full, but I say it’s time for a refill.

Out of sight, out of mind, but in my case, out of sight, out of sanitizer.

If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I’d probably finish in second place.

If patience is a virtue, then I’m still waiting to be virtuous.

Never underestimate the power of a nap. It’s like pressing the reset button on your brain.

If life were a puzzle, I’d probably be that one missing piece that nobody knows where it goes.

Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, and today is a gift. That’s why they call it the present, because you never know what you’re gonna get.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can definitely buy a lot of ice cream, and that’s pretty close.

I’m on a seafood diet. I see food, and I eat it.

If the shoe fits, wear it. Or better yet, buy a new pair of shoes because who wants worn-out shoes?

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

If at first, you don’t succeed, try, try again. And if that doesn’t work, just give up and watch Netflix.

If life was a game, I’d probably be the person who keeps pressing random buttons and hoping for the best.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing with gravity.

It’s the journey, not the destination, that matters. But sometimes the destination is a really awesome beach, so it’s hard to argue.

The secret to success is knowing that there is no secret, but there might be cake.

I finally found the key to happiness, but the locksmith was closed, so I’m still working on it.

Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get, but if you share, you might get the good ones.

If you can’t convince them, confuse them, and then convince them while they’re still confused.

I don’t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

When life gives you lemons, squeeze them in someone’s eyes and see how much lemonade they can make.

They say opportunity knocks, but I think it’s more like opportunity sends a text and hopes you respond.

The early bird might get the worm, but the latecomer gets to sleep in.

If nothing is impossible, then I guess I can achieve my dream of becoming a unicorn-riding astronaut.

If common sense was a superpower, I would still probably forget to use it.

Life is like a box of cereal. You never know how many marshmallows you’re gonna get, but you hope it’s a lot.

If I were a coin, I’d be a penny, because I’m not worth much, but people still pick me up when they see me on the street.

Opinions are like belly buttons. Everybody has one, but not everybody wants to show you theirs.

If life hands you melons instead of lemons, you might be dyslexic and in need of a spellcheck.

The best things in life are free, or on sale, or discounted with a coupon code.

People say love is in the air, but I think it’s more like love is in the WiFi signal. We’re all just searching for a connection.

I don’t make mistakes. I create opportunities for learning and growth.

If a tree falls in the forest and nobody is around to hear it, is the tree still embarrassed?

Nobody is perfect, but some people are really good at pretending to be.

Why put off until tomorrow what you can do the day after tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that?

Cats are like puzzle pieces. They never fit where you want them to, but somehow they always complete the picture.

If I were a superhero, my power would be the ability to freeze time, but only when I’m running late.

Life is like a game of chess. Except I don’t know how to play chess, so life is like a game of chess without any rules.

If life gives you lemons, turn them into lemonade and then add some tequila because, hey, it’s 5 o’clock somewhere.

The only time success comes before work is in the dictionary, which sounds like a pretty good reason to avoid dictionaries.

If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is definitely not for you.

The grass is always greener on the other side because they have better gardeners.

Life is like a giant jigsaw puzzle, except all the pieces are blank, and nobody told you what the picture is supposed to look like.

If everything seems under control, you’re not going fast enough, or you’re just really good at multitasking.

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my keys. One minute they’re right there, and the next minute they’re gone forever.

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