Sarcastic I Don’t Care Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

Oh, I’m sorry. I didn’t realize my apathy was affecting you.

I would try to care, but karma’s a b**** and I don’t wanna risk it.

I have a whole collection of facial expressions specifically for when I don’t care.

Sorry, I was too busy not caring to listen to what you were saying.

If caring was an Olympic sport, I’d definitely have some great excuses for not participating.

You know what’s beautiful? Not caring.

Sometimes I pretend to care, just to keep people around. Or not.

I don’t always not care, but when I do, I really don’t care.

I’m not saying I don’t care, but I’m not really saying I do, either.

I could try to care, but then I’d have to actually care about trying.

Not caring is my secret to eternal youth.

If caring was currency, the world would be bankrupt.

Sorry, I can’t remember the last time I cared about something that didn’t directly involve pizza.

Don’t mistake my silence for compassion. It’s just me not caring.

I would probably care, but Netflix is calling and I don’t want to keep it waiting.

I’ve developed a superpower: the ability to not care about things most people care about.

I’m allergic to caring. Sorry, not sorry.

Let me check my schedule… yep, nope, I still don’t care.

I’m not sure why, but caring is just not in my job description.

Why waste energy on caring when you can use it to binge-watch your favorite TV show?

Don’t bother trying to convince me. I’m already not caring.

I must have missed the memo on caring. Oh well!

Is it too late to sign up for the Not Caring Olympics?

I care so little, I’m basically a human embodiment of apathy.

Okay, I’ll try to care. Just kidding, I don’t care at all.

My sarcastic ‘oh, really?’ face is reserved for moments when I don’t care.

I’m not saying I don’t care, I’m just saying that my capacity for caring is currently at zero.

Caring? Sorry, I ran out of that emotion in my early twenties.

I heard caring is contagious, so I’ve been diligently avoiding it.

If not caring was a crime, I’d be serving a life sentence.

Excuse me while I go take a nap. Because caring is exhausting, you know?

I’m like a care vacuum. I suck it up and leave nothing behind.

Sorry, but I already reached my caring quota for today.

I don’t care so much, I’ve actually become a master of indifference.

Caring? Oh, you mean that thing I used to do in my naive youth?

I would love to engage in this conversation, but caring is just so overrated.

I have a doctor’s note that exempts me from caring. It’s a serious condition.

Not caring is my life motto. Well, that and ‘eat pizza’.

If there was a caring trivia game, I’d definitely fail.

I haven’t cared about something since before the dinosaurs went extinct.

Sorry, not sorry for not caring. It’s kinda my thing.

I have a black belt in not caring. It’s a highly underrated skill.

I’m saving all my caring for a future apocalypse. So far, it hasn’t arrived.

I tried caring once. Worst ten minutes of my life.

I’m a master of selective caring. It just so happens that your topic falls outside my selection.

You can’t spell ‘care’ without ‘car’. And I’d rather drive away from the caring zone.

I don’t care enough to be offended by your lack of care.

There are two types of people in this world: those who care, and those who couldn’t care less. Guess which one I am?

I sprinkle apathy in my coffee every morning to start my day right.

Caring about not caring is a paradox I’m not willing to solve.