Liz Lemon Quotes

I pretty much believe in everything, except leprechauns. They suck.

I’m gonna go talk to some food about this.

I just wanna go to a place where I can use the bathroom.

Sometimes I wish I could hear strangers’ thoughts. Like, ‘What’s that girl eating? It looks good.’

I regret nothing…except all the things I’ve done.

I’m not gonna get married ’til I’m 40… unless I meet someone before that.

I believe love can happen at any age… except under 18, because it’s creepy.

The five most important things in my life: Food, TV, sleep, complaining, and the people I care about.

I’m a genius. Like, God should be kissing my face.

There’s nothing better than sitting in your pajamas watching garbage TV. Nothing.

I love food so much, I would marry it if I could.

I have a lot of secrets. Like, how to get food delivered to my house without my coworkers finding out.

I don’t care what people say, I think Wikipedia is my real dad.

I hope I never get rich, ’cause I love having stuff to complain about.

I’m starting a new religion. It’s called ‘No Pants’ and the only rule is you have to be comfortable.

I like my jeans the way I like my food – extra stretchy.

I may not know what I’m doing with my life, but at least I know how to make a really good sandwich.

I want to be the kind of person who wakes up in the morning and says, ‘I’m gonna conquer the world!’ Except that sounds exhausting, so I’m just gonna conquer a bagel.

You know what they say, ‘Don’t get mad, get even…with a really good dessert.’

I’m not high maintenance, I’m just really good at taking care of myself.

People say you should dance like no one’s watching. Well, I dance like everyone’s watching… and they’re all judging me.

I believe in equality for all… except for people who don’t like cheese.

I don’t need a man in my life, I just need a really good pizza delivery guy.

There’s nothing worse than waking up and realizing you have nothing to eat for breakfast… except waking up and realizing you have to go to work.

I don’t trust people who don’t like chocolate. What are they hiding?

I don’t care if people call me weird. I embrace my weirdness with open arms… and open bags of chips.

I may not be a queen, but I’m definitely the princess of procrastination.

I don’t like Mondays… but I do like tacos, so it all balances out.

I don’t understand people who wake up early to work out. Like, do they not have Netflix?

If life gives you lemons, make a margarita… or just eat them. I’m not here to judge.

I’m not a morning person, but I am a breakfast person. So as long as there’s coffee and pancakes, I’ll survive.

I have a love-hate relationship with salads. I love the idea of being healthy, but I hate not eating pizza.

I’m 99% sure that my spirit animal is a nacho. And the other 1% is cheese.

I don’t need a therapist, I just need a really good cheeseburger.

Some people eat to live, but I live to eat. It’s a perfectly balanced relationship.

Who needs a prince charming when you have a really good pizza delivery guy?

I may not have it all figured out, but at least I know how to make a mean grilled cheese sandwich.

I’m not a morning person, but I am a breakfast sandwich person. So I guess that counts for something.

I believe in the power of positive thinking… especially when it comes to desserts.

Life is too short to eat bad pizza. That’s my motto.

I’m not lazy, I just have a PhD in chilling.

I don’t need a social life, I have a really good Netflix queue.

I’m not addicted to snacks, I just have a really strong dedication to the art of snacking.

I don’t believe in diets, I believe in eating whatever makes me happy. And cake makes me very happy.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I just need a really good cheeseburger.

I’m not a quitter, I’m just really good at taking naps.

I don’t trust people who don’t like bread. What are they, robots?

I don’t need a man to hold my hand, I need a really good chocolate chip cookie.

I believe in starting each day with a positive attitude and a really strong cup of coffee.

I may not have it all, but I have Netflix, a fridge full of snacks, and that’s all a girl really needs.