Laugh Out Loud – The Funniest Quotes and Pics That Will Crack You Up

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy saving mode.

Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just allergic to gravity.

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do.

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.

The secret to a happy life is a never-ending supply of funny cat pictures.

I don’t need anger management, I just need people to stop pissing me off.

I don’t need an alarm clock, my kids jump on my bed every morning.

I stepped on a scale and it said, ‘Please practice social distancing.’

I don’t have a beer belly, I have a protective covering for my rock-hard abs.

I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.

I finally realized that I’m allergic to exercise. Every time I start, I break out in sweat.

If you can’t remember my name, just say ‘chocolate’ and I’ll turn around.

I’m sorry, what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit.

I can resist anything except temptation… and pizza.

I’m not old, I’m a recycled teenager.

I may be a disaster, but at least I’m a funny one.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

When life gives you lemons, keep them. Because hey, free lemons!

I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy.

I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

I talk to myself because sometimes I need expert advice.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I need someone to follow me around and slap the unhealthy food out of my hand.

My favorite exercise is a cross between a lunge and a crunch… I call it lunch.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.

I lose track of time by the time I look for where it went.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastinate.

My hobbies include eating and complaining about being fat.

My favorite job is taking naps. I can do it with my eyes closed.

I dieted for a day and lost 500 grams: half a tube of cookie dough.

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better.

If you think I’m crazy, you should meet my mother.

Some things are just better left unsaid. And I usually realize it after I’ve said them.

I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

I go to the gym so I can eat cupcakes without feeling guilty.

I don’t get drunk, I get awesome.

I work out because I know I would’ve been the first to die in the Hunger Games.

I don’t have a six-pack, but I have a keg.

I tried to be normal once… Worst two minutes of my life.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room together?