Funny whiteboard quotes

Forget about being normal, it’s overrated.

I may not be a mathematician, but I can still count on my fingers.

If life gives you lemons, make sure to get tequila and salt.

Don’t worry, I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes I’m asleep.

I tried being normal once, it was the most boring five minutes of my life.

I don’t need anger management. I just need people to stop pissing me off.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not your sport.

Procrastinators unite! Tomorrow.

I don’t have a bucket list, but I have a F**k it list. It’s way more exciting.

I’m not a cynic, I’m just a hopeful undercover detective.

Never trust an atom. They make up everything.

I believe in karma, but I also believe in the power of a good insult.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just teaching the floor who’s boss.

If I were a superhero, my superpower would be the ability to nap anywhere.

When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I put the ‘fun’ in ‘dysfunctional’ family.

Happiness is not having to set an alarm for the next day.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen me and Batman in the same room?

I’m not old, I’m retro-cool.

I try to be a nice person, but sometimes my sarcasm gets in the way.

I’m allergic to stupidity. Unfortunately, it’s everywhere.

I’m not crazy, my reality is just different than yours.

Beer: because no great story started with someone eating a salad.

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries!

I’m on a whiskey diet. I’ve lost three days already.

I see food and I eat it.

I’m not shy, I’m just evaluating my escape routes.

I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

If a redhead works at a bakery, does that make them a gingerbread man?

I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are still under construction.

I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

I’m not interested in being cool, I’m interested in being awesome.

I’m not lazy, I’m in energy-saving mode.

Do I look like a morning person? Stop talking to me.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing with the floor.

I am not a player, I’m the game.

If there’s a will, there’s a way. If there’s Wi-Fi, there’s no way.

Don’t worry, I’m not as smart as I look.

I’m not a superhero, but I do have superpowers. They’re just hidden.

I’m not a quitter, but sometimes my bedtime wins the fight.

The only exercise I do is running late.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

Parallel lines have so much in common. It’s a shame they’ll never meet.

I’m not a control freak, but can I show you the right way to do things?

I’m not perfect, but I’m limited edition.