Funny weight loss quotes

I’m not losing weight, I’m just shedding my winter coat.

Weight loss is like a marathon… but without the running.

I’m on a seafood diet… I see food and I eat it.

My diet is like a soap opera… full of drama and cravings.

I’m training for the zombie apocalypse… gotta be able to outrun those undead!

Weight loss is a journey… but the GPS keeps taking me to the drive-thru.

Why is it called ‘weight loss’ when it’s never where I want it to be?

I’m a professional food taster… unfortunately, I’m not getting paid for it.

My fat cells are like stubborn tenants… they just won’t move out.

I don’t need weight loss, I need a shrink ray for my clothes.

Dieting is like a puzzle… except all the pieces look like pizza.

My diet is on the rocks… actually, more like a sinking ship.

I’m not overweight, I’m just under-tall.

I tried to lose weight, but it just found me again… probably because I had cookies in my pockets.

I’m so good at dieting, I could win a gold medal… in the hunger games.

My abs are like a six-pack… hidden under a layer of bubble wrap.

I thought exercise was supposed to give you energy… now I’m just tired and hungry.

Weight loss is like a roller coaster… without the thrilling drops, just the ups and downs.

I don’t need a diet, I need a personal chef… or maybe just a fairy godmother with a magic wand.

I’m on a seafood diet… I see food and eat it, then I see more food and eat that too.

My weight loss journey is like a comedy show… except I’m the only one laughing at the jokes.

I don’t count calories, I count the seconds until my next meal.

My weight loss aspirations are like a balloon… always popping before they take off.

Instead of losing weight, I think I’m just making room for more snacks.

I’m like a professional weight bouncer… I lose a few pounds and then they all come back.

I’m not on a diet, I’m on a mission to find the perfect cupcake.

If eating chocolate was an Olympic sport, I’d be a gold medalist.

I tried to lose weight, but my love for tacos was stronger.

I don’t have a sweet tooth, I have a sweet mouth.

My strategy for weight loss is simple… just keep eating, eventually, I’ll get full, right?

My relationship status with food is ‘it’s complicated.’

My weight loss plan felt like a fairy tale… with lots of wicked calories and no happy ending.

I burned a lot of calories today… in my imagination.

I wish dieting was like a video game… where cheat codes were allowed.

I don’t always lose weight, but when I do, I find it again at the bottom of a bag of chips.

I don’t believe in diets, I believe in snacks… lots and lots of snacks.

My weight loss journey feels like a marathon… except instead of water stations, there are cupcake stands.

I’ll start exercising tomorrow… but for now, pass me the chips.

My favorite exercise is lifting a fork… to my mouth.

I used to have a good relationship with food… then I discovered pizza.

I don’t have a food baby, I have a food football team.

I’m working on weight loss, one donut at a time.

I tried jogging, but I prefer to chase ice cream trucks.

My diet is like a game of hide and seek… the snacks are really good at hiding.

Weight loss is like a puzzle… with missing pieces and no picture on the box.

I don’t diet, I just eat really well… like, really, really well.

I tried to lose weight, but the refrigerator gave me a cold shoulder.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I need someone to follow me around and slap food out of my hand.

I’m not overweight, I’m undertall… and gravity has it out for me.

Weight loss goals are like jokes… they’re funny until you try to actually achieve them.