Divorce Quotes to Make You Laugh

Marriage is grand. Divorce is a hundred grand.

I asked for a divorce cake, and they gave me a slice of humble pie.

Divorce is like a financial diet – suddenly, you’re spending less.

Divorce is just another way of saying ‘Freedom, here I come!’

Getting divorced is like taking a vacation from marriage.

Divorce is proof that someone finally read the fine print.

Divorce: the ultimate legal way to uncouple your bed and breakfast.

Marriage is like a deck of cards. In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond. By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

Divorce: when happily ever after turns into happily never after.

Getting divorced is like spring cleaning for your life – you get rid of all the unnecessary baggage.

Marriage is a beautiful institution. Unless you’re in the divorce business.

Divorce is like a DJ remix of your life – all the unwanted parts are cut out.

Divorce is the ultimate game of chess – every move counts.

I used to believe in happily ever after, until I saw my lawyer’s bill.

Marriage should come with an undo button.

Divorce is just a fancy word for ‘reclaiming my sanity.’

Divorce is like a reset button for your life – but without the instruction manual.

Marriage taught me how to say ‘I’m sorry,’ while divorce taught me how to say ‘I don’t give a damn.’

Wedding bells ring, divorce bells sing.

Divorce is like a tornado – it leaves behind a trail of destruction, but eventually, the skies clear.

Divorce is the ultimate cure for wedding fever.

Marriage is a rollercoaster. Divorce is the safety harness being released.

Divorce: when ‘happily ever after’ becomes ‘thank god it’s over.’

Marriage is like a movie sequel – sometimes, a standalone film is better.

Divorce is the ultimate social experiment – how well can two people divide their assets and still remain civil?

Getting divorced is like quitting a bad habit – it’s tough at first, but the freedom feels amazing.

Divorce: the art of removing the ‘ex’ from ‘text.’

Marriage is like a game of chess. Divorce is like flipping the board.

Divorce is the adult version of ‘I’m taking my ball and going home.’

Getting divorced is like stepping off a sinking ship and watching it go down.

Marriage is a journey. Divorce is like finding the off-ramp.

Divorce is like graduation – you’re finally free from the ‘school of marriage.’

Marriage is an institution. Divorce is a way to stay out of the madhouse.

Divorce is like a fire alarm – it wakes you up and forces you to make a change.

Marriage is like a game show. Divorce is when you realize you’ve chosen the wrong door.

Divorce: when love is no longer blind, but has 20/20 vision.

Marriage is a joint venture. Divorce is when the partnership ends.

Divorce is like rearranging furniture after living with someone who has no taste.

Divorce is when you trade in the ol’ ball and chain for a shiny new set of handcuffs.

Marriage is like a contract. Divorce is renegotiating the terms.

Divorce is like a passport to a new life.

Marriage is like a play. Divorce is when the curtain falls.

Divorce is like having your own personal Independence Day.

Marriage is like a bad movie. Divorce is when you finally walk out of the theater.

Divorce is like hitting the reset button on your love life.

Marriage is like a long plane ride. Divorce is when the turbulence becomes too much.

Divorce is like a fire drill – it tests your emergency exit plan.

Marriage is like a bad tattoo. Divorce is when you finally get it removed.

Divorce: when ‘I do’ turns into ‘I’m done.’

Marriage is like a Rubik’s Cube. Divorce is when you finally give up and throw it against the wall.