Best Michael Scott Quotes

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it’s not like I have this, giant hole in my heart that craves approval.

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me.

I am Beyoncé, always.

Would I rather be feared or loved? I have a second question: How about I be both?

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take. – Wayne Gretzky – Michael Scott

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

Wikipedia is the best thing ever. Anyone in the world can write anything they want about any subject, so you know you are getting the best possible information.

I’m not a millionaire, but I do live a life of luxury. So yeah, I’m a millionaire.

I have the people skills of a diplomat mixed with the street smarts of a rapist.

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way.

Do you want your life to get better? Just jump around!

I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other.

Webster’s Dictionary defines wedding as ‘the fusing of two metals with a hot torch.’

Well, happy birthday, Jesus! Sorry your party’s so lame.

As Abraham Lincoln once said, ‘If you are a racist, I will attack you with the North.’

I’m the sexiest man alive! Do you think these women are going to be able to resist my body? Come on! Throw the best man in there with me and we’ll make a dynamite sandwich.

I’m totally doing it. I’m the kisser, I’m the exploiter. I’m the master. That sounded really bad.

You cheated on me? When I specifically asked you not to cheat on me?

I am so sad. I lost my precious pen. You know the pen with the blue ink that writes really smoothly?

Close your eyes, imagine a world, calm and serene. That’s where I’m going.

Make friends first, make sales second, make love, third. In no particular order.

And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do.

Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss that’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you have to just be the boss of dancing.

Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing.

Do I need to be liked? No, but do I want to be liked? Absolutely, because I’m the boss and if people don’t like me, they have to pretend to, because otherwise I will fire them.

I’m loyal to nothing except the dream.

Oh, it is on like a prawn who yawns at dawn.

I’m not a hero. I’m a mere Orlando Bloom wannabe.

Sometimes you just have to put your pride aside and accept that you are not good enough and move on.

I don’t get jealous. I’m a businesswoman and I am amazing.

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

I declare bankruptcy!

I love inside jokes. I hope to be a part of one someday.

I don’t have a lot of experience with vampires, but I have hunted werewolves. I shot one once, but by the time I got to it, it had turned back into my neighbor’s dog.

Well, well, well. How the turntables…

I’m not usually the big ‘meeting’ type. I keep things loose. I kind of feel like I’m in Down With Love.

Fact: Bears eat beets. Bears. Beets. Battlestar Galactica.

I just want things to be different. And things will be different.

I hate disappointing people. I like to make surprises and express gratitude. Like that surprise party I threw for Kelly’s birthday last year. Or the gratitude I showed to Meredith when I hit her with my car.

Sometimes you have to take a break from being the kind of boss who’s always trying to teach people things. Sometimes you need to just be the boss of dancing.

I feel like all my kids grew up and then they married each other.

I’m not superstitious but I am a little stitious.

My philosophy is: If I’m not dirty, I’m not working.

I am running away from my responsibilities. And it feels great.

I never thought I’d say this, but I think I ate too much bone marrow.

I’m friends with everybody in this office. We’re all best friends. I love everybody here. But sometimes, your best friends start coming into work late and start having dentist appointments that aren’t dentist appointments, and that is when it’s nice to let them know that you could beat them up.

The worst thing about prison was the dementors. They were flying all over the place and they were scary and then they’d come down and they’d suck the soul out of your body and it hurt!

I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them.