Winston Churchill’s Hilarious Quotes That Will Make You Laugh

I am always ready to learn, although I do not always like being taught. – Winston Churchill

The greatest lesson in life is to know that even fools are sometimes right. – Winston Churchill

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. – Winston Churchill

A pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity, an optimist sees opportunity in every difficulty. And I see an opportunity to have a drink. – Winston Churchill

Don’t interrupt me while I’m interrupting. – Winston Churchill

Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm. Just like a game of ping pong, it’s all about the bounce. – Winston Churchill

If you’re going through hell, keep going. And make sure to grab some fire extinguishers on your way out. – Winston Churchill

I have nothing to offer but blood, toil, tears, and sweat. Oh, and a really charming British accent. – Winston Churchill

I am fond of pigs. Dogs look up to us. Cats look down on us. Pigs treat us as equals. In a bacon-loving world, equality is everything. – Winston Churchill

I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter. – Winston Churchill

A lie gets halfway around the world before the truth has a chance to get its pants on. I guess the truth is a little slow when it comes to dressing. – Winston Churchill

The trouble with quotes on the internet is that you never know if they are genuine or not. But trust me, mine are as real as my love for whiskey. – Winston Churchill

I am an optimist. It does not seem too much use being anything else, especially before breakfast. – Winston Churchill

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the best. And by the best, I mean a good old-fashioned cup of tea. – Winston Churchill

Courage is what it takes to stand up and speak; courage is also what it takes to sit down and listen. And sometimes, courage is what it takes to grab a second serving of dessert. – Winston Churchill

Never, never, never give up. Unless it’s a buffet line, then maybe just give up after the fifth plate. – Winston Churchill

I am certainly not one of those who need to be prodded. In fact, if anything, I am the prod. – Winston Churchill

In victory, magnanimity; in peace, goodwill; in life, whiskey. – Winston Churchill

My most brilliant achievement was my ability to persuade my wife to marry me. Though persuading her every day to let me sleep in was a close second. – Winston Churchill

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. And trust me, I’ve had plenty of those conversations. – Winston Churchill

The price of greatness is responsibility. And a really good tailor to make sure your suits fit perfectly. – Winston Churchill

If you’re going to go through hell, keep going. You might find some good duty-free shops along the way. – Winston Churchill

Democracy is the worst form of government, except for all those other forms that have been tried from time to time. And honestly, they were pretty terrible. – Winston Churchill

To improve is to change; to be perfect is to change often. Or at least change your socks often, hygiene is key. – Winston Churchill

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. Believe me, I’ve had plenty of those conversations… and they were like walking into a room full of monkeys with typewriters. – Winston Churchill

I have never developed indigestion from eating my words. I have, however, developed quite the appetite for my favorite midnight snacks. – Winston Churchill

If you’re going through hell, keep going, and don’t forget your sunscreen. – Winston Churchill

The price of greatness is responsibility. The price of an average breakfast is usually under $10, but it’s not as fulfilling. – Winston Churchill

A fanatic is one who can’t change his mind and won’t change the subject. So next time you meet a fanatic, just change the channel. – Winston Churchill

I am easily satisfied with the very best. When it comes to luxury, I don’t settle for less than the finest cigars and whiskey. – Winston Churchill

The pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty. The realist sees the impossibility of having a headache-free life. – Winston Churchill

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. And sometimes, what we give is the best birthday present ever. – Winston Churchill

History will be kind to me for I intend to write it. And I fully intend on using my excellent penmanship to write a bestselling memoir. – Winston Churchill

I’m not a saint unless you think a saint is someone who annoyingly never seems to gain weight no matter how much they eat. – Winston Churchill

In war, resolution; in defeat, defiance; in victory, magnanimity; in peace, good will. And in between, a good power nap. – Winston Churchill

A sheep in sheep’s clothing might pass unnoticed, but a sheep in a lion’s den is bound to be the life of the party. Until the lion shows up, of course. – Winston Churchill

Never give in, never give in, never, never, never, never. Except when your friends challenge you to a dare, then give in for the sake of adventure. – Winston Churchill

If you’re going through hell, keep going, and bring a map. And maybe some snacks, too. – Winston Churchill

Want of foresight, unwillingness to act when action would be simple and effective, lack of clear thinking, confusion of counsel until the emergency comes, until self-preservation strikes its jarring gong. In simpler terms: procrastination. – Winston Churchill

The price of greatness is responsibility. And a really good PR team to handle the rumors and scandals. – Winston Churchill

In the course of my life, I have often had to eat my words, and I must confess that I have always found it a wholesome diet. – Winston Churchill

Attitude is a little thing that makes a big difference. Kind of like adding whipped cream to a hot cup of chocolate. – Winston Churchill

We shall not flag or fail. We shall go on to the end. We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds, we shall fight in the fields and in the streets, we shall fight in the hills. We shall never surrender. And after all that, we might need a good nap. – Winston Churchill

The empires of the future are the empires of the mind. But if those empires lack a good Wi-Fi connection, they won’t really be worth it, will they? – Winston Churchill

If you’re going through hell, keep going. And make sure to bring a portable fan. – Winston Churchill

I have always felt that a politician is to be judged by the animosities he excites among his opponents. By that measure, I must be the most exciting politician of all time. – Winston Churchill

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter. Let’s be honest, they’re not exactly the brightest bulbs in the pack. – Winston Churchill

I never worry about action, but only about inaction. And whether my butler remembered to restock the whiskey cabinet. – Winston Churchill

A good speech should be like a woman’s skirt: long enough to cover the subject and short enough to create interest. And if you can add a touch of pizzazz, all the better. – Winston Churchill

My tastes are simple: I am easily satisfied with the very best. And by the best, I mean the finest of English tea and a few good cigars. – Winston Churchill