The Office Quotes

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott

Sometimes I’ll start a sentence, and I don’t even know where it’s going. I just hope I find it along the way. – Michael Scott

I’m Beyonce, always. – Michael Scott

I talk a lot so I’ve learned to just tune myself out. – Kelly Kapoor

I’m not the best at talking to women. My good friends call me ‘Golden Face.’ I don’t know if it’s because of my sun-kissed complexion or the gold nuggets I keep in my pocket to hand out to acquaintances, but either way, it works. – Creed Bratton

I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the 60s, I made love to many, many women, often outdoors in the mud and the rain. It’s possible that a man might have slipped in. There would be no way of knowing. – Creed Bratton

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. – Michael Scott

I feel like all my kids grew up, and then they married each other. It’s every parent’s dream. – Michael Scott

I am faster than 80% of all snakes. – Dwight Schrute

I come from a long line of fighters. My maternal grandfather was the toughest guy I ever knew. World War II veteran. Killed 20 men and spent the rest of the war in an Allied prison camp. My father battled blood pressure and obesity all his life. Different kind of fight. – Dwight Schrute

Here it is, heart of New York City, Times Square… named for the good times you have here. Named for the ‘good times’ you have here. – Andy Bernard

I was never particularly good at making friends. My tolerance for other people is extremely low. – Angela Martin

I always love Halloween. It’s the one night of the year when everyone forgives my poor choices in fashion. – Phyllis Vance

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little-stitious. – Michael Scott

I’m not offended by homosexuality. In the 60’s I made love to many, many women. Often outdoors, in the mud and the rain. And it’s possible a man slipped in. There’d be no way of knowing. – Creed Bratton

You can’t have a favorite Iron Chef. It depends entirely on the secret ingredient. Sometimes, I’ll wake up in the middle of the night, and I’ll write down an ingredient I dreamed about. I call it ‘mescalin.’ – Stanley Hudson

I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. – Kevin Malone

There’s no such thing as miracles. Idiots. – Angela Martin

I’m glad Michael’s getting help. He has a lot of issues and he’s stupid. – Phyllis Lapin

I tried to talk to Toby and be his friend, but that’s like trying to be friends with an evil snail. – Michael Scott

I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat. – Pam Beesly

I’m just a woman who puts most of her energy into her work. Because it’s more useful than planning a stupid, unnecessary wedding for myself. – Kelly Kapoor

I think sometimes people who do terrible things are just terrible people. But sometimes, they’ve just had terrible things happen to them and they’re… well, they’re just responding. – Erin Hannon

If I had a gun with two bullets and I was in a room with Hitler, Bin Laden, and Toby, I would shoot Toby twice. – Michael Scott

I am running away from my responsibilities and it feels good. – Michael Scott

The only time I set the bar low is for limbo. – Kelly Kapoor

Whenever I’m about to do something, I think, ‘Would an idiot do that?’ And if they would, I do not do that thing. – Dwight Schrute

Stanley just drank OJ out of my mug and didn’t seem to realize that it wasn’t his hot coffee. So the question has to be asked: Is there no limit to what he won’t notice? – Jim Halpert

I’m not going to be able to act my way out of the paper bag. – Ryan Howard

I don’t know. I guess I sort of just zone out. But I try not to think. So – um – empty head, deep breath, and just kind of floaty. Like that movie I saw. – Pam Beesly

I wish there was a way to know you’re in the good old days before you’ve actually left them. – Andy Bernard

Nobody steals from Creed Bratton and gets away with it. The last person to do this disappeared. His name: Creed Bratton. – Creed Bratton

Close your mouth, sweetie. You look like a trout. – Angela Martin

I’m not supposed to come within 200 feet of a school, or a Chuck E. Cheese. – Creed Bratton

And I knew exactly what to do. But in a much more real sense, I had no idea what to do. – Michael Scott

I love inside jokes. I’d love to be part of one someday. – Michael Scott

Dwight, you ignorant slut! – Michael Scott

I am one of the few people who looks hot eating a cupcake. – Kelly Kapoor

I love catching people in the act. That’s why I always whip open doors. – Creed Bratton

I wake up every morning in a bed that’s too small, drive my daughter to a school that’s too expensive, and then I go to work to a job for which I get paid too little. But on Pretzel Day? Well, I like Pretzel Day. – Stanley Hudson

Don’t ever, for any reason, do anything to anyone for any reason ever, no matter what. No matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going or where you’ve been… ever. For any reason, whatsoever. – Michael Scott

I’m not saying I invented the turtleneck. But I was the first person to realize its potential as a tactical garment. The tactical turtleneck. – Sterling Archer

I notice you’re wearing your casual Wednesday khakis. – Michael Scott

Listen up, everyone. I have some bad news. Meredith just failed a drug test. – Dwight Schrute

Was it worth it? Did the ends justify the beans? – Stanley Hudson

Save Bandit! – Kevin Malone

Do you want to dance like no one’s watching, or do you want to dance like a boss? – Andy Bernard

I tried to get to work, but a penguin attacked me. – Michael Scott

Would I rather be feared or loved? Easy. Both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me. – Michael Scott

I am so lucky to be your boss. You get to make all of my dreams come true. – Michael Scott