Stupid quotes: A collection of hilariously absurd statements

I’m not saying I’m stupid, but if there was a stupidity contest, I’d probably come in second.

They say wisdom comes with age, so does stupidity.

I’m so stupid that I once tried to iron my clothes while still wearing them.

I thought Starbucks was a constellations, that’s how stupid I am.

If there was a brain size competition, mine would probably be in the category of ‘participant’.

I once believed that putting my phone in the microwave would charge it faster. That’s the level of stupid we’re dealing with here.

You know you’re stupid when the alphabet song confuses you.

I accidentally sprayed air freshener in my eye. I guess sometimes even stupidity needs freshening up.

I’m the kind of stupid that would go to the dentist to get a haircut.

I once asked if ice cream was a vegetable. Stupidity runs in my DNA.

I’m not just stupid, I’m an advanced level of it.

It took me 5 minutes to figure out that ‘LMFAO’ doesn’t stand for ‘Let’s Make Friends And Origami’.

I don’t need Google, my stupidity provides me with enough random facts.

My stupidity has reached a level where I get offended when someone calls me smart.

If dumbness was a superpower, I’d be a superhero by now.

My stupidity is so contagious that even my computer got a virus.

They say ignorance is bliss, well, I must be the happiest person on Earth.

I once tried to use my phone as a TV remote. My stupidity knows no bounds.

If stupidity was a currency, I’d be a millionaire.

I once cried over spilled milkshake. That’s how stupid I am.

I tried to put the ‘Tea’ in ‘WiFi’. That’s the level of intelligence we’re dealing with here.

I’m not saying my brain is empty, but even a hamster on a wheel is smarter than me.

I once tried to unlock my house with my car key. That’s the level of stupidity we’re dealing with here.

I’m so stupid that I thought the sun revolved around the Earth… until last week.

I thought ‘LOL’ meant ‘Lots of Love’. My stupidity knows no bounds.

I once asked the waiter if the chicken wings had wings.

They say there’s a fine line between genius and insanity, well, I must be walking on it with my stupidity.

I once tried to put a DVD into a blender. That’s the level of intelligence we’re dealing with here.

My stupidity is so strong, it’s like a magnet for embarrassing moments.

I’m so stupid that I once googled ‘Google’ to find Google.

I’m the kind of stupid that can trip over the wireless internet.

I once tried to use my TV remote to change the volume of someone talking outside my window.

I thought chicken nuggets grew on trees. My stupidity knows no limits.

I’m not saying I’m dumb, but I once tried to count the number of calories in a glass of water.

My stupidity is like a black hole, once you get caught in it, there’s no escape.

I once tried to use my calculator as a phone. I guess math was calling.

I’m the kind of stupid that would try to start a fire with ice cubes.

I once asked if carrots could see in the dark. Stupidity is my middle name.

They say laughter is the best medicine, well, I must be the healthiest person on Earth with my stupidity.

I’m so stupid that I once spent an hour looking for my phone while I was talking on it.

I once wore a raincoat indoors because the weather app said there was a 95% chance of precipitation. It was the bathroom faucet.

I’m the kind of stupid that would try to vacuum the yard.

I once tried to brush my teeth with hand sanitizer. That’s the level of idiocy we’re dealing with here.

My stupidity is like a maze, without a map or a clue.

I’m not just stupid, I’m a PhD in stupidity.

I once tried to put a USB stick in my pocket because I thought it could charge my phone.

I’m the kind of stupid that would ask for a refund on a free sample.

I once tried to swipe left on a piece of paper. My stupidity knows no bounds.

I thought ‘TGIF’ meant ‘Thank God It’s Friday’, but it actually stands for ‘The Great Invention of French fries’.

I once tried to unscrew a light bulb by turning off the switch. That’s the level of my intellect.