Step Brothers Quotes

You don’t say no to a swan!

I swore off sleepovers when I was 12, dude.

We’re men, and we’ll do men things like throw up on each other.

Why are you so sweaty? I was watching Cops.

I’m here to sell you a piece of the future, and that policy out there, that’s your horse to ride.

I’m Dale, but you have to call me Dragon.

I’m not going to call you Dragon.

Do you want to hear a story about a bridge?

I’m going to take this wide and deep.

I didn’t want salmon! I said it four times!

I was thinking about getting my Realtor’s license.

Oh, so you’re a precious little princess, aren’t you?

I don’t ask my wife for permission to do things!

I’m just saying, you’re not great with people.

I’m not a midget!

I’m burying you!

I’m not going to call you Dad.

We had so much fun becoming brothers. And now we can go do karate in the garage.

Please, just step back. Eat hair.

I would do anything for my family. Any of them. Except you.

I’ve been called the songbird of my generation.

That feels so good around my cockles.

We’re on a mission from God.

I’m going to take a pillowcase and fill it full of bars of soap, and beat the shit out of you!

I got my drum set. It’s in my (expletive) danger room, where you’re not allowed to be!

I’m impressed with your spirit, but I’m afraid you and I are just too different.

You threw a guy into the drums set like a ragdoll!

You’re a Sasquatch! You’re a (expletive) Sasquatch!

You know, I don’t find you attractive anymore.

Did we just become best friends?

Did we just become best friends, yup!

RULE #1 – NEVER LOSE ITEMS!

You whispered it to him. You said it quietly. Nobody heard it but him.

Seriously, you like tigers more than lions?

You have to call me Nighthawk.

Your voice is like a combination of Fergie and Jesus.

White dog shit! White dog shit!

You and I are the same height lying down.

We’re going to go inside, we’re going to have a nice dinner, and then never think about each other again.

Dale, I didn’t know you could make pamphlets in the computer!

I’m ready to bone!

You’re my brother, and I love you. But I love making fun of you more.

So many activities!

We’re men, okay? That means a few things: we like to shit with the door open, we talk about (expletive), and we go on riverboat gambling trips!

Hey, ma! Can we get some meatloaf? What is she doing? I never know what she’s doing back there.

You better watch out for that toilet, I’ve been dropping some loads in there that made the water go backwards.

I’m living the dream!

I’m not jealous, I just know they’re gonna pee in your face.

We are the most bad-ass motherfuckers.

Pow! We had sex!