Stan Marsh Quotes

Dude, this is pretty messed up—why would someone defile such a sacred food like Cheesy Poofs?

I learned something today. Rats aren’t really that gross; they’re just misunderstood.

You know what they say, Cartman, ‘Friends who poop together, stay together.’

I’m not a pessimist, I’m just a realist who has seen a lot of really screwed-up crap.

Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe in, even if it means believing in a bunch of crazy crap.

Butters, you can’t just go around licking everything you see, that’s how you get into trouble.

Life’s like a rollercoaster, dude. Sometimes you’re up, sometimes you’re puking your guts out.

You know what they say, it’s not the size of the boat, it’s the motion of the ocean… or something like that.

I don’t need a time machine, I have a brain that can remember stuff. It’s called a memory.

Sometimes you have to embrace your inner fart humor and just let it rip.

This whole ‘adulting’ thing is overrated. Can’t we just go back to being kids and playing video games all day?

I don’t need superpowers to be a hero, I just need a good heart and a kickass cape.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze the crap out of them and make some lemonade.

Sometimes you just have to take a leap of faith, even if it means crashing into a giant pile of poop.

You can’t spell ‘faith’ without ‘fart’. Coincidence? I think not.

Cartman, if you’re going to be a jerk, at least be an equal-opportunity jerk.

Just because you’re a genius doesn’t mean you can’t have fun. Einstein probably invented Twister.

There’s nothing more powerful than the power of friendship, except maybe a giant marshmallow man.

If every problem could be solved with a fart, the world would be a much happier place.

Sometimes the toughest decisions in life come down to choosing between Taco Tuesday and Pizza Friday.

I don’t need a fancy gym membership to stay fit—I just play ‘Just Dance’ in my living room.

Love is like a fart, if you have to force it, it’s probably crap.

I may not be the smartest kid in school, but I’d totally win a contest for the best Cheesy Poof eater.

You know what they say, truth is stranger than fiction, just like my Uncle Jimbo’s hunting stories.

If you’re going to be late for school, at least have a good excuse like being abducted by aliens.

Reality TV is like a giant dumpster fire—it’s entertaining, but it’s also a hot mess.

Sometimes I wonder if aliens are just really confused tourists trying to find the nearest Starbucks.

Life isn’t a box of chocolates, it’s more like a box of random crap that you don’t really need.

Sometimes the best advice comes from your mom, even if it’s about how to properly fold a fitted sheet.

If I had a dollar for every time I did something stupid, I’d have enough money to buy a lifetime supply of Cheesy Poofs.

Sometimes the best way to solve a problem is to fart in the general direction of your enemies.

I don’t need a fancy car to feel cool—I’ve got my bike and a killer helmet.

You know what they say, laughter is the best medicine, unless you have explosive diarrhea.

I may not be the strongest kid in school, but I can definitely out-eat you in a hot dog eating contest.

Life is like a game of dodgeball, sometimes you dodge the balls, sometimes you get hit in the face.

The key to success is believing in yourself and eating a well-balanced breakfast.

Sometimes you just have to embrace your inner weirdo and let your freak flag fly.

I don’t need a fancy job to be happy, I just need a good pizza and some good friends.

The world would be a better place if everyone just had a good cry and then ate some ice cream.

You know what they say, practice makes perfect, unless you’re practicing being a crap singer.

Life is like a giant game of ‘Simon Says’, sometimes you have to do stupid stuff just to fit in.

If life is a rollercoaster, then love is like getting stuck upside down in a loop-de-loop.

Sometimes you just have to ignore the haters and eat a sandwich the size of your head.

You know what they say, ‘eat an apple a day to keep the doctor away, but make sure it’s a caramel apple.’

If life is a puzzle, then love is like trying to find the missing piece in a thousand-piece jigsaw.

I don’t need a fancy job title to feel important—I’m the king of my own castle, like literally, I have a cardboard castle in my room.

Sometimes the best ideas come from the dumbest mistakes, like accidentally microwaving a marshmallow.

You know what they say, the early bird catches the worm, unless you’re a night owl like me and prefer pizza.

Life is like a sitcom, sometimes you’re the main character, sometimes you’re just the hilarious sidekick.

I may not have all the answers, but at least I have a kickass theme song playing in my head.