Quotes

Squidward Quotes: Dive into the Wit and Wisdom of Bikini Bottom’s Famous Octopus

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I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed today.

I order the food, you cook the food. The customer gets the food. We do that for 40 years, and then we die.

I don’t hate you. I just don’t like you.

Is it possible to use your optimism to physically hurt you?

The only thing I’m good at is being miserable.

It’s called the ugly barnacle. Once there was an ugly barnacle. He was so ugly that everyone died. The end.

I wasn’t put on this earth to be someone’s servant.

Remember, no employee wants to be a Squidward.

I wonder if a fall from this height would be enough to kill me.

This is not your average, everyday darkness. This is…advanced darkness.

Does anyone ever listen to what I say?

I’m not mean, I’m assertive.

Well… It’s no secret that the best thing about a secret… is secretly telling someone your secret, thereby secretly adding another secret to their secret collection of secrets, secretly.

SpongeBob, the only reason you want a trophy so badly is you sorely lack self-esteem.

I can’t imagine any place worse than this… ’til next time on get to work.

I’m a wreck. I’m not fit to be seen in public. I think I’ll just stay indoors forever.

The only culture you have is bacteria!

Quietly SpongeBob, quietly. You’re killing me with your loudness.

Fine, I guess you’re gonna miss the… panty raid.

Do you know how sad it is for your best friend to be a snail?

I can’t see my forehead.

It’s called the ugly barnacle.

I’ve come to a conclusion, I’m a loser.

This is not your average, everyday darkness. This is…advanced darkness.

Remember, no employee wants to be a Squidward.

Oh, please. I have no soul.

I hate everyone.

The clarinet is my passion.

Sometimes, it?s not about me. You should know that by now!

I’ve got better things to do than pace the floor wondering how I got stuck in a dead-end job.

No, this is Patrick.

Another day, another migraine.

Chum is Fum.

Do you know what time it is? This is inexcusable!

Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery?

I’m not a happy camper.

The Krusty Krab: the finest eating establishment ever established for eating.

I’m too old for this.

I don’t recall, SpongeBob. I drink to forget.

People talk loud when they want to sound smart, right?

Oh, please. I have no soul.

It’s called the ugly barnacle.

I can’t see my forehead!

Firmly grasp it!

Remember, no employee wants to be a Squidward!

I knew I shouldn’t have gotten out of bed today.

The fact that I’m not happy doesn’t mean I’m unhappy.

I guess I’m a failure because I don’t live by society’s rules.

Lonely. Horribly dreadfully lonely.

I can’t seem to get happy. Maybe this will help.

I’m not a part of your system. My mind is free.

I was just here for the paycheck.

I’m reading an art magazine. Because I appreciate culture.

I don’t get paid enough for this nonsense.

SpongeBob, you’re simply too naive to see the truth.

Why must every eleven minutes of my life be filled with misery?

This isn’t your average everyday darkness. This is…advanced darkness.

Is mayonnaise an instrument?

I don’t hate my job. I just hate you.

I am not a Krusty Krab.

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