Smartass Sayings: Sassy Phrases with Sass and Wit

I’m not a smartass, I’m a highly intelligent smartypants with an extremely sharp sense of sarcasm.

My intelligence is an accident of nature, my smartass tendency, pure rebellion.

If my sarcastic remarks went over your head, don’t worry, they usually orbit a few times before landing.

Sarcasm is my superpower, darling. I would be a superhero, but apparently being a smartass isn’t a rare gift.

I’m not saying I’m smarter than you, but I can see sound and hear colors. What’s your superpower again?

When I said ‘How stupid can you be?’ it wasn’t a challenge. It was sarcasm.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up your ego and jump to your IQ level. Survival looks slim.

My thoughts are deep, but my patience is shallow. Try to catch up with my sarcasm.

You may speak fluent bullshit, but I’m fluent in sarcasm and intellect.

Brains aren’t everything. In your case, they’re nothing.

Sleep hasn’t been the same since I woke up smarter.

Silence is golden, but when I speak, it’s platinum.

I may be on the side of the angels, but don’t think for one second that I am one of them. I am the smartass angel with a twisted halo.

If you think I’m a smartass, well congratulations! You have a good eye for talent.

If stupidity was a profession, then business is booming with you as the CEO!

I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you in precise, academic terms.

The height of your stupidity is a work in progress.

I didn’t rise from the ashes, darling. I made them. For fun.

I am not sarcastic. I just have a talent for brutal honesty with a side of wit.

You’re not a bad person. You’re a good example of a disaster.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just intelligent beyond your understanding.

Sarcasm: because beating people up is illegal.

If I wanted to kill myself, I would climb up to your ego and jump down to your IQ level.

If common sense is so common, why are there so many people without it?

An idiot with a plan can outsmart a genius without one.

People say nothing is impossible, but I do nothing every day.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Of course I talk to myself. Sometimes I need expert advice.

You never realize how boring your life is until someone asks you what you do for fun.

I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.

If stupidity was a profession then you?d be a billionaire.

I took an IQ test and the results were negative.

I?d explain it to you, but I don?t have any crayons with me.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I’m not insulting you. I’m describing you.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

My wallet is like an onion. Whenever I open it, it makes me cry.

The road to success is always under construction.

I love my job only when I?m on vacation.

I?m not lazy, I?m just on energy saving mode.

Experience is what you get for not having it when you needed it.

If at first you don’t succeed, then maybe skydiving isn’t your thing.

Some people hear voices… Some see invisible people… Others have no imagination whatsoever.

I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

I started out with nothing and I still have most of it.

If I agreed with you, we?d both be wrong.

If the number 2 pencil is so popular, why is it still number 2?

Two wrongs don’t make a right, but they make a good excuse.

You can’t have everything… where would you put it?

I feel like I’m diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

The problem with reality is a lack of background music.

I didn’t mean to push all your buttons. I was looking for the mute.

If I had a dollar for every time I got distracted, I wish I had a puppy.

Experience is a brutal teacher, but you learn fast.

The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits.

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

Everyone has photographic memory; some just don’t have the film.

If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

Whoever said money can?t buy happiness didn?t know where to shop.

I?m not arguing, I?m just explaining why I?m right.