Senator John Kennedy’s Hilarious Quotes

I asked my office for a map of the world, and they gave me a snow globe.

They say politics is a game, but I’ve always been more of a checkers guy.

I once tried to fit all of my campaign promises on a bumper sticker. It didn’t go well.

Why do politicians always talk about ‘reaching across the aisle’? Can’t we just install a door?

Sometimes I think the secret to success in politics is simply being the tallest candidate.

I’ve been told I have a face for radio, but I’m not sure how to take that compliment.

I always say, if you want to make a lasting impression, wear funny socks.

They say laughter is the best medicine. Maybe that’s why Congress hasn’t passed any healthcare bills.

I don’t always understand politics, but I do know a good joke when I hear one.

They say you shouldn’t mix politics and humor, but then why are so many politicians funny?

I once tried stand-up comedy, but everyone thought I was just giving a campaign speech.

I’ve been accused of having a way with words, but sometimes I think they have a mind of their own.

Politics can be a circus, and let’s just say I’d make a great ringmaster.

They say Congress moves at a snail’s pace, but I think that’s an insult to snails.

I never thought I’d be a politician, but I guess being good at telling tall tales helps.

I don’t always agree with my fellow senators, but we do share a love of bad puns.

Politics is a strange game. I’ve seen more backstabbing than a Sunday morning pancake breakfast.

Sometimes I ask myself, ‘What would an average person do?’ And then I remember, I’m a senator.

I’ve learned that politics is all about compromise. And by compromise, I mean convincing people they’re wrong.

They say you should never bring a knife to a gunfight, but what about a funny joke?

I’ve been known to use humor to diffuse tense situations. It’s amazing what a good punchline can do.

They say the pen is mightier than the sword, but have they ever tried using a rubber chicken?

I’ve told so many jokes on the Senate floor, I should open a comedy club.

Politics can be a dirty business, but I always try to keep it clean. Except for the occasional pun.

They say politicians are good at talking in circles. I guess it’s all that spinning we do.

I’ve never been one to kiss babies on the campaign trail, but I’m always up for a good game of peek-a-boo.

They say behind every great man is a great woman. Well, I must be standing behind a really tall guy.

I once tried to explain the national debt using a puppet show. Suffice to say, it didn’t go well.

I may not be the most powerful senator, but I do have the best collection of funny ties.

They say politics is a contact sport, but I prefer to take a more comedic approach.

I’ve been accused of using humor as a defense mechanism. I prefer to call it ‘strategic wit’.

They say politicians never answer a question directly. I prefer to answer with a knock-knock joke.

I once tried to lighten the mood at a budget debate with improv comedy. Needless to say, it didn’t balance the books.

They say a good politician can convince anyone of anything. Well, try convincing a cat to take a bath.

I’ve been known to make a few gaffes here and there, but hey, at least I keep people entertained.

They say politics can be a dirty business, but I prefer to see it as a comedy routine.

I once tried to incorporate a magic trick into a campaign speech. Let’s just say the vanishing act didn’t go as planned.

They say politicians are good at bending the truth. I prefer to think of it as interpretive storytelling.

I’ve never been one for traditional speeches. I prefer to give presentations using interpretive dance.

They say politics is all about finding common ground. I just hope it’s not quicksand.

I once tried to solve a political stalemate with a game of rock, paper, scissors. It didn’t go over well.

They say a good politician can charm anyone. Well, I guess I’m more of a cheese ball than a charmer.

I’ve been known to liven up a dull debate with a well-timed kazoo solo.

They say politicians should have thick skin. I prefer to think of it as a well-padded funny bone.

I once tried to pass a bill using a puppet show. Let’s just say it didn’t get a standing ovation.

They say politics is all about negotiation. I prefer to think of it as a series of sarcastic comebacks.

I’ve been accused of having a one-liner for every situation. It’s true, but don’t ask me to explain quantum physics.

They say politicians are master manipulators. I prefer to think of it as ‘enthusiastic persuasion’.

I once tried to lighten the mood at a tense filibuster with a game of charades. Let’s just say my colleagues weren’t impressed.

They say politics is a serious business, but I prefer to think of it as a never-ending improv show.