Sarcastic Valentine Quotes – Adding a Touch of Humor to the Holiday of Love

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the people who broke my heart and made me stronger.

Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you…but let’s not get carried away.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to ruin diets and relationships.

Love is in the air…along with disappointment and regret.

I’m sorry, but I can’t give you my heart on Valentine’s Day. I need it to survive.

Love is blind, but my ex was pretty easy to see through.

Valentine’s Day: the holiday that makes single people feel extra single.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’m allergic to flowers, and I’m allergic to you too.

Valentine’s Day is just another excuse for people to post annoying couple pictures on social media.

If love is a battlefield, then Valentine’s Day is a nuclear war.

I don’t need a valentine, I need a refund.

Valentine’s Day: the one day where it’s socially acceptable to eat chocolate for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.

Love is like a box of chocolates: you never know what you’re gonna get…except disappointment.

I’m sorry, but your cute little heart-shaped emoji doesn’t make up for the fact that you stole my Netflix password.

Valentine’s Day: the day when love is in the air and so are overpriced flowers and chocolates.

I hope your Valentine’s Day is as romantic as my last relationship…which means not at all.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather spend Valentine’s Day binge-watching Netflix with you.

Valentine’s Day is just an elaborate conspiracy by greeting card companies to make money.

I love you like a dog loves chasing its tail…constantly and for no apparent reason.

Valentine’s Day: the one day a year when half of the male population suddenly remembers where the flower shop is.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather have pizza than dinner with you.

I’m sorry, but I can’t be your valentine. My heart is already full of sarcasm.

Valentine’s Day is like a box of chocolates…overrated and filled with unwanted surprises.

Love is like a fart: if you have to force it, it’s probably crap.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don’t need romance, I need a good laugh.

Valentine’s Day: the day that proves my love life is going downhill faster than the stock market.

I love you more than Kanye West loves Kanye West…which is saying a lot.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to break up with someone, just to save money on gifts.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I don’t believe in Valentine’s Day, and neither should you.

Love is a two-way street…unfortunately, most people are driving in the wrong direction.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to appreciate all the lies and deception in our lives.

I love you like a procrastinator loves deadlines…with a sense of impending doom.

Valentine’s Day is just a reminder that love doesn’t always end with a happily ever after.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather spend Valentine’s Day eating pizza with you.

Valentine’s Day: the day that proves being single is less of a burden and more of a blessing.

I’m sorry, but I can’t be your valentine. My heart is reserved for pizza.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I wish I could say the same about my bank account.

Valentine’s Day: the day when love and heart-shaped balloons are both inflated and deflated.

I love you more than a kid loves candy…which means my love is intense and short-lived.

Valentine’s Day: the one day where it’s socially acceptable to eat chocolate until you hate yourself.

Roses are red, violets are blue, Valentine’s Day reminds me of all the pain caused by you.

Valentine’s Day: the day we celebrate love by spending money we don’t have on things we don’t need.

I love you like a bee loves pollen…always coming back for more.

Valentine’s Day is the perfect day to appreciate all the shallow relationships in our lives.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather be single than be stuck with you.

Valentine’s Day is like a high-pressure sales pitch for love.

I love you more than a cat loves ignoring its owner…which is saying a lot.

Valentine’s Day: the day when love is in the air, but so is the smell of desperation.

I’m sorry, but I can’t give you my heart for Valentine’s Day. It’s currently on Craigslist.

Roses are red, violets are blue, I’d rather be alone than spend Valentine’s Day with you.