Sarcastic office quotes

Oh yeah, let’s definitely have another meeting to discuss why we never have any time for actual work.

I love it when people stop by my desk to ask questions they could easily Google themselves.

Working in an office is like being a contestant on a never-ending game show. The prize? A paycheck.

Feel free to send me another email about that email thread we already have going. It’s not like my inbox is overflowing or anything.

Let’s brainstorm! said no one ever with a smile on their face.

I enjoy being cc’d on every email so that I can feel like I’m part of the conversation.

Don’t worry, I always look forward to spending my lunch break fixing the printer.

It’s always a joy to watch someone reheating fish in the office microwave.

I love spending half my day in pointless meetings. It really makes me feel productive.

I can’t wait to come back from vacation to an overflowing inbox and a mountain of work.

Just one more thing are the four most terrifying words in the office.

I love it when people bring their personal dramas to work. It really adds to the professional atmosphere.

Don’t worry about setting deadlines. We’ll just keep working until we get it done… or never finish.

Please feel free to come by and ask me the same question five different ways. It really helps me understand what you’re asking.

It’s always a great day when the office temperature is set to either Antarctica or the Sahara Desert.

I love it when someone eats my lunch and leaves a note saying, Sorry, couldn’t resist.

I’m so excited to join another conference call and hear someone say, Can you hear me? Hello?

Nothing makes me happier than spending my lunch break waiting for the microwave because someone decided to heat up a four-course meal.

The motivational posters in the office are really doing wonders for my productivity.

Oh, you sent an urgent email and now you’re just waiting for a response? Let me put it on my priority list.

I always look forward to finding passive-aggressive notes in the office kitchen.

Please hold while I transfer you to someone who has no idea what’s going on. – hold music at its finest.

I can’t wait to attend another team-building event where we pretend to like each other.

I love it when someone schedules a meeting for Friday afternoon. It really makes me feel appreciated.

Nothing says teamwork like one person taking credit for an entire group project.

Don’t worry about proofreading your email. Autocorrect will fix everything.

The office water cooler is like a therapist, but instead of advice, you get gossip.

I always make sure to spend at least an hour each day untangling the office phone cords. It’s a great stress reliever.

I love it when someone walks by my desk and stops to ask, Are you busy? No, I’m just here for my health.

I can’t wait to create another color-coded spreadsheet that no one will ever look at.

It’s always a great day when the office printer decides to go on strike.

I love it when someone uses emojis in a work email. It really adds a touch of professionalism.

Does anyone have any plans this weekend? – insane person who actually wants to socialize with colleagues.

I enjoy watching my colleagues take credit for my ideas. It’s like winning an award I never wanted.

Oh, you’re going on vacation? Don’t worry, we won’t miss you at all.

I love spending my day trying to fix technology issues instead of actually doing my job.

Nothing says teamwork like someone stealing your lunch from the office fridge.

Let’s have a brainstorming session really means let’s see who can talk the loudest.

I always look forward to Monday morning emails that could have been sent on Friday.

It’s always a joy to hear someone’s entire phone conversation because they forgot how to use the mute button.

I can’t wait for the office holiday party where we all dress up and pretend to like each other.

Please feel free to ask me the same question 50 times. It really makes me feel needed.

I love it when someone borrows my stapler and never returns it. Sharing is caring, right?

This won’t take long really means cancel all your plans for the next two hours.

I’m so excited to spend my lunch break listening to someone chew with their mouth open.

I enjoy having my workspace invaded by someone who wants to tell me about their latest vacation.

Only in the office can someone give you a lecture on punctuality while consistently showing up late.

I love it when someone says, You must be sleepy, given how much coffee you drink. Thanks, Captain Obvious.

Just to clarify means I think you’re an idiot and didn’t understand anything I just said.

I always look forward to getting updates on someone’s personal life in the middle of a work conversation.