Sarcastic Funny Female Quotes

Oh sure, I’d love to give you my opinion. Let me just put on my sarcasm hat and get back to you.

I’m not saying I’m Wonder Woman, but no one has ever seen us in the same room together.

If sarcasm was a superpower, I’d be unstoppable.

Oh, you need my help? Let me drop everything I’m doing to prioritize your trivial request.

I’m not a control freak, I just have a detailed plan for how things should be done.

Sure, I’ll be your therapist. Bring me a bottle of wine and your credit card.

I can’t be held responsible for what my face does when you speak.

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of my awesomeness.

Who needs a knight in shining armor when you can have sarcastic comments in shining armor?

I didn’t choose the sarcastic life, the sarcastic life chose me.

I’m not saying I’m a badass, but I do give zero fucks.

Behind every great sarcasm, there is a greater eye roll.

I’m not clumsy, I just wanted to give the floor a hug.

If only sarcasm counted as a workout, I’d have a killer body.

I’m not judging you, I’m just silently questioning your life choices.

I may be a mess, but at least my sarcasm is on point.

I may not be everyone’s cup of tea, but I’m somebody’s shot of tequila.

My level of sarcasm depends on your level of stupidity.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

If being sarcastic burned calories, I’d be a supermodel.

I’m not a morning person, or an afternoon person. Let’s just say I’m not a person until I’ve had my coffee.

I’m silently correcting your grammar while rolling my eyes.

I’m not antisocial, I’m just selectively social.

Sarcasm is my love language, but you probably wouldn’t understand that.

I’m not a control freak, I just have a strong preference for things being done my way.

Sure, I’ll listen to your problem. But fair warning, I’m more likely to respond with sarcasm than sympathy.

I’m not sarcastic, I’m fluent in smartass.

Is there an award for being excessively sarcastic? Because I think I deserve it.

I’m not interested in being your backup plan, I’m more of a main character kind of girl.

If sarcasm was a skill, I’d have a PhD.

Sure, I could be a morning person… if morning started at noon.

I’m not saying I have trust issues, but I wouldn’t be surprised if I had to solve a riddle before entering a relationship.

Did someone say ‘opportunity to use sarcasm’? Count me in!

My sarcasm level is directly proportional to how much I like you.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m having a very strong reaction to your stupidity.

I’m not a superhero, but I can turn invisible. It’s called ignoring people.

Sure, I’ll apologize. As soon as pigs start flying.

I’m not giving you attitude, I’m just offering a free lesson in sarcasm.

I don’t need your drama, Netflix provides enough for me.

If only there was a sarcasm font, my life would be so much easier.

I’m not ignoring you, I’m just choosing not to participate in your nonsense.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on power-saving mode.

If sarcasm was a crime, I’d be serving a life sentence.

I’m not pretending to be complicated, I’m just too sarcastic for simple minds.

I’m not sarcastic, I’m just fluent in speaking my mind.

I’m not avoiding responsibility, I’m just delegating it to someone else.

If sarcasm was currency, I’d be rich.

I’m not being rude, I’m just being brutally sarcastic.

I’m not being sarcastic, I’m just gifted in the art of sass.

I’m not sarcastic, I’m just an acquired taste.