Sarcastic Badass Quotes

Oh wow, you’re really impressing me with your lack of intelligence.

Oh, I see you’re here to annoy me. Congrats on achieving your life’s goal.

Sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how awesome I am.

If sarcasm was a talent, you’d be a prodigy.

I could give you a taste of my sarcasm but I don’t want to overload your senses.

It must be exhausting always trying to be as cool as me.

I speak fluently in sarcasm. It’s a second language for me.

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on earth.

You’re so lucky to have me grace you with my presence.

Please, keep talking. I always yawn when I’m interested.

I’m not always sarcastic. Sometimes, I’m asleep.

The fact that I have to explain sarcasm to you is ironic.

If there was an award for epic comebacks, I’d win it every time.

Do you always give this level of effort, or are you just having a bad day?

I didn’t give you the gift of sarcasm, you earned it.

I love it when people underestimate me. It just makes it easier to prove them wrong.

I’m not here to be average. I’m here to sass the heck out of everything.

Just imagine how empty your life would be without my sarcasm.

I’m sorry, I can’t help it if I’m cooler than you.

I don’t have the energy to pretend to like you.

I’m not ignoring you, I’m just prioritizing my own happiness.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just fluent in speaking my mind.

You should really thank me for tolerating your existence.

I’m too busy being fabulous to care about your opinion.

If you can’t handle the sass, you can’t handle me.

Please, keep talking. I always wonder how dumb people manage to breathe.

Some people just need a high-five. In the face. With a chair.

I’d explain it to you, but I don’t have any crayons.

I’m not sarcastic. I’m just allergic to stupidity.

I’m not responsible for what comes out of my mouth. My mood decides that.

I’m a complicated person. You wouldn’t understand.

I’m not here to fit in. I’m here to stand out, and throw some shade while I’m at it.

You can’t handle my sarcasm? Well, that’s just too bad for you.

I don’t have the time or the crayons to explain this to you.

I’m not trying to be funny, I’m just being honest. It’s not my fault if you find it hilarious.

If sarcasm was an Olympic sport, I’d win gold every time.

I don’t have the patience or the desire to deal with your nonsense today.

Some people need a reality check, and I’m happy to provide it.

I’m sarcastic because punching people is frowned upon.

I’m not rude, I’m just extremely honest. Get over it.

I’m not arrogantly sarcastic. I’m just brilliantly sassy.

I’m not being mean, I’m just brutally honest. It’s not my fault if you can’t handle it.

If sarcasm was currency, I’d be a billionaire.

I have a black belt in sarcasm. Don’t mess with me.

I’m sorry, I can’t hear you over the sound of how fantastic I am.

I don’t sugarcoat anything. That’s your dentist’s job.

I can’t stop my sarcasm. It’s like a reflex. A really awesome reflex.

Some people call it sarcasm, I call it verbal gymnastics.

I’m not being sarcastic, I’m just stating the obvious. It’s not my fault if it hurts your feelings.

I’m not sarcastic, I’m just brilliantly witty. And modest, of course.