Quotes

Roy D. Mercer Quotes – Hilarious and Memorable One-Liners

I’m like a one-legged man in a butt-kickin’ contest!

If brains were dynamite, you couldn’t blow the wax out of your ears!

You couldn’t pour water out of a boot with instructions on the heel!

You’re about as sharp as a bowling ball!

The wheel is spinning, but the hamster’s dead!

You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine!

I’ve seen better organized train wrecks!

You’re about as bright as a black hole on a moonless night!

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person alive!

You couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag!

You’re as welcome as a skunk at a lawn party!

You couldn’t hit water if you fell out of a boat!

You’re like a dictionary that only has the letter ‘L’!

You’re as slow as molasses in January!

You could mess up a one-car parade!

You’re about as useful as a trapdoor on a canoe!

If brains were taxed, you’d get a refund!

You couldn’t find your butt with both hands and a map!

You’re like a broken compass – always pointing in the wrong direction!

You’re about as sharp as a marble!

You’re as useful as a screen door on a submarine!

You’re as clumsy as a bull in a china shop!

You couldn’t find your way out of a paper bag!

You’re about as bright as a 40-watt lightbulb!

Roy D. Mercer Quotes – Hilarious and Memorable One-Liners part 2

You’re like a dictionary that only has the letter ‘d’!

You’re as slow as molasses in January!

You could mess up a one-car parade!

You’re about as useful as a trapdoor on a canoe!

If brains were taxed, you’d get a refund!

You’re as useful as a chocolate teapot!

You couldn’t find your butt with both hands and a map!

You’re like a broken compass – always pointing in the wrong direction!

You’re as clumsy as a bull in a china shop!

You couldn’t spell ‘cat’ if I spotted you the ‘c’ and the ‘t’!

You’re as bright as a burnt-out lightbulb!

You couldn’t hit the broad side of a barn if you were inside!

You’re like a dictionary that only has the word ‘no’!

You’re as slow as a turtle stampede!

You’re about as useful as a parachute on a submarine!

If ignorance is bliss, you must be the happiest person on Earth!

You couldn’t find your way out of a wet paper bag!

You’re about as sharp as a marble staircase!

You’re as useful as a screen door on a spaceship!

You’re like a rudderless ship in a storm!

You couldn’t hit the side of a barn even if you were standing inside it!

You’re about as bright as a burnt-out lightbulb!

You couldn’t catch a cold if you were locked in a freezer!

You’re like a broken compass – always pointing in the wrong direction!

You’re as clumsy as a hippo on roller skates!

You couldn’t find your own reflection in a mirror!

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