Quotes

Ronald Reagan’s Hilarious Quotes – Bringing Laughter to the Oval Office

Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed, there are many rewards. If you disgrace yourself, you can always write a book.

I have a great diet plan. I eat whatever I want and pray that I don’t gain weight.

I’ve never met a cheeseburger I didn’t like.

Some people wonder if I’m too optimistic. Well, I have to be. I’m the President of the United States, not the Vice President of the Pessimists.

I never drink coffee in the morning. It’s always too early for coffee, but never too early for a nap.

I used to listen to rock’n’roll, but now all I hear is my knees cracking.

My doctor told me to watch my drinking, so now I drink in front of a mirror.

I’ve learned that if you don’t take a selfie, it never happened.

I’m not a complete fool, some parts are missing.

I’m so old, I remember when emoji were called hieroglyphics.

I don’t need an alarm clock. My ideas wake me up.

I have a secret talent for avoiding deadlines. It’s called procrastination.

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

I used to be an idealist, but I couldn’t find anyone to join my campaign.

I try not to take myself too seriously. It’s hard work, but someone has to do it.

I don’t have time to hate people. I’m too busy trying to remember their names.

I hate going to the gym. It’s like going to the dentist, but without the lollipops.

I have a photographic memory. Unfortunately, it’s out of focus.

I’ve always wanted to be the person my dog thinks I am.

I’m not a complete idiot, there are still a few numbers missing.

My brain has too many tabs open, and they’re all buffering.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just doing a new dance move called ‘gravity test’.

I don’t mean to interrupt people, but it’s just that I always have something funnier to say.

I’m not lazy, I’m energy efficient.

I’ve reached the age where my back goes out more often than I do.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I’m not forgetful, I just have a selective memory.

I don’t mind getting older. It’s a sign that I’ve survived all the stupid things I’ve done.

I may be getting older, but my inner child is still ageless.

I have a black belt in sarcasm.

I always try to go the extra mile, but my GPS just says ‘No, stay where you are.’

I used to be a people person, but then people ruined it for me.

I could be a morning person, if morning happened around noon.

I used to be cool. Well, maybe not cool, but definitely lukewarm.

I don’t need an alien invasion to know there’s intelligent life out there.

I put my phone on airplane mode. It’s amazing how much I can accomplish when the distractions are grounded.

I don’t need a gym membership, I get enough exercise rolling my eyes.

I’m not clumsy. It’s just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

I don’t have a personal assistant. I have a personal chaos coordinator.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

I don’t hold grudges, I remember facts.

I was born to be wild. Until I realized it was more of a late-night TV show kind of wild.

I’m trying to lose weight, but it’s a battle between my hunger and my laziness. So far, hunger is winning.

I don’t have gray hair. I have wisdom highlights.

I’ve learned that laughing is the best exercise. It’s like jogging for your soul.

I’ve reached the age where ‘happy hour’ is a nap.

I used to think I was indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

I don’t mind getting older. It’s a sign that I’ve survived all the stupid things I’ve done.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I don’t need an alarm clock, my ideas wake me up. I hope you enjoy these funny quotes!

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