Relatable twitter quotes

I always doubt myself, but somehow, I manage to prove myself wrong every time.

Who needs a therapist when you have Twitter to vent to?

My patience is like a balloon – it stretches until someone pops it.

Do I procrastinate because I’m lazy, or am I lazy because I procrastinate?

My relationship status: Netflix, ice cream, and avoiding people.

If overthinking were an Olympic sport, I would definitely win the gold medal.

I wonder if aliens are just advanced beings that have mastered the art of social distancing.

My life motto: ‘Sleep is for the weak, but also for the tired.’

Being an adult is like playing a game where the rules constantly change, and nobody tells you how to win.

Sometimes, I think school should have taught us how to do taxes instead of finding the value of ‘x’.

If I had a dollar for every time I said ‘I’m fine’ and didn’t mean it, I’d be rich.

I’m not lazy, I just have selective motivation.

I’ve mastered the art of looking busy while doing absolutely nothing.

Coffee: the magical elixir that turns ‘I can’t’ into ‘I can’t even’.

My ability to remember lyrics to songs from the 90s is inversely proportional to my ability to remember what I did yesterday.

The gym is my happy place… until I have to actually go there.

I’m on a seafood diet – I see food and I eat it.

If stress burned calories, I’d be a supermodel by now.

I’m not a morning person, or an afternoon person, or an evening person. Let’s just say I’m not a person until I’ve had my coffee.

I have a love-hate relationship with my bed. I love sleeping in it, but hate getting out of it.

The most relatable thing about social media is that everyone seems to be having more fun than me.

My life is like a 404 error – constantly searching for something that doesn’t exist.

I’m fluent in sarcasm, but my bank account is fluent in overdraft.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I need someone to follow me around and slap the unhealthy food out of my hand.

Life is short, and so am I. Coincidence? I think not.

Exercise gives you endorphins. Endorphins make you happy. And so does a big bowl of ice cream. Just saying.

If being sarcastic burned calories, I’d be the fittest person alive.

I have a black belt in being awkward, and it’s a skill I never miss an opportunity to demonstrate.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to test the durability of every object I come into contact with.

Success is 1% inspiration, 99% caffeine.

I’m not antisocial, I’m selectively social. Some people just don’t make the cut.

If karma doesn’t catch up with people, I’m happy to lend a hand.

I need space – both personal space and outer space.

If life gives you lemons, squeeze them in the eyes of your enemies.

There’s a fine line between ‘I should delete that’ and ‘that deserves a retweet’.

I’m sorry for sending you multiple messages – my phone just wants to make sure you know how annoying I can be.

The key to my heart is not in my pocket, it’s in my Netflix queue.

I may not have a PhD, but I definitely have a degree in overthinking.

Turns out, the only thing I’ve mastered is the art of pretending I have my life together.

I don’t trust people who don’t like dogs. There, I said it.

I survived high school, so I’m pretty sure I can survive anything life throws at me.

I don’t need a motivational speaker, I need someone to motivate me to find a motivational speaker.

I love looking at old pictures and thinking, ‘What the heck was I wearing?’

At this point, my daily exercise consists of rolling my eyes.

If I had a dollar for every time I’m confused, I’d have no idea how much money I have.

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I’m definitely the most entertaining.

They say ‘fake it till you make it’, but I seem to be stuck in the faking it phase.

I have a love-hate relationship with socializing – I love the idea of it, but when it comes to actually doing it, I hate it.

Life is like a movie, and I’m just waiting for someone to yell ‘cut’ and hand me my next script.

If my life was a book, it would probably be in the humor section – because that’s the only way I can make sense of it.