Ralph Wiggum Quotes: The Most Memorable Moments From The Beloved Simpsons Character

I bent my wookiee.

Me fail English? That’s unpossible!

I like hot dogs. My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

I’m a star. I’m a star. I’m a star. I’m a star.

I ate the purple berries. They taste like burning.

I wonder what happens if you take half a whiffleball?

When I grow up, I want to be a principal or a caterpillar.

My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

My cat’s name is Mittens.

I can’t sleep, clown will eat me.

I’m Idaho.

Miss Hoover, I glued my head to my shoulder.

My cat breathes better than you.

I won, I won! Oh wait, I lost.

Hey, Lisa! I’m wearing a choo-choo hat. You can’t say no to a choo-choo hat.

I’m happy as a French fry in a ketchup factory.

I’m being spontaneous. Ask me another controversial question!

My cat’s name is Mr. Snookums.

It says ‘choo-choo choose me’, and there’s a picture of a train.

I’m a muse. Muses are inspirational goddesses.

I’m against tap water.

I can count to purple.

My mom says I’m special.

I drink blue juice from under the sink.

I’m a Unitard!

If God didn’t want us to eat in church, he would have made gluttony a sin.

That’s where I saw the leprechaun. He tells me to burn things.

I’m learning to avert my eyes.

I feel like a caterpillar in a cocoon of friendship.

Mrs. Krabappel and Principal Skinner were in the closet making babies, and I saw one of the babies, and then the baby looked at me.

I can see dead people. It’s a gift.

Janie’s a flower. That means I’m a flower too!

Have you ever seen a beauty queen eat pie? Yuck!

If the pig is where it belongs, I need a drink.

I like being alone and nursing my imaginary wounds.

I traded my crayon for a sandwich. It was bread.

I kissed my dog on the lips, and now I have dog germs. Get hot water, get some disinfectant, get some iodine!

Sleeping makes me feel old, like a box turtle.

When I eat fish sticks, I pretend it’s a fish stick breakfast!

I’m a philosopher. I think, therefore I am… confused.

I once saw a doctor stick a needle in my butt. Turns out it was a thermometer.

I used to be weird. But then I got normal. Normal is a setting on the washing machine.

I wish I had a dog with a wooden leg, and then I could say, ‘Hey look, my dog has a wooden leg!’

Do you want to see a drawing I made? It’s of a dog with a crouch.

Some people say that monkeys shouldn’t be in the house. Well, I think they should!

I thought the ironing board was my friend, but it just ended up being a rack.

Did you know idiots grow up to be astronauts?

I want to be a vegetarian, but I still eat bacon and hot dogs because they’re made out of vegetables.

Stranger danger! My cat’s breath smells like cat food.

Did you know people used to have to fight with swords and stuff? But then they invented guns, so that’s boring now.