Parks and Rec Quotes: A Collection of the Funniest and Most Memorable Lines

I have the memory of an elephant. I forget nothing, and I never forget anything. – Leslie Knope

There’s nothing more noble than public service. – Ben Wyatt

I’m a huge fan of breakfast food. It’s the only reason I get up in the morning. – Ron Swanson

I have never taken the high road. But I tell other people to, because then there’s more room for me on the low road. – Tom Haverford

Sometimes you have to work a little, so you can ball a lot. – Donna Meagle

I’m allergic to cheap leather and poor people. – Tom Haverford

The only thing I hate more than lying is skim milk, which is water that’s lying about being milk. – Ron Swanson

I have no interest in art. Let me clarify — I have no interest in non-radical art. – April Ludgate

When life gives you lemons, steal your neighbor’s WiFi. – Tom Haverford

Time is money; money is power; power is pizza; pizza is knowledge. Let’s go! – April Ludgate

I’m fine. It’s just that life is pointless and nothing matters, and I’m always tired. – Andy Dwyer

You know my code: hoes before bros. Uteruses before duderuses. Ovaries before brovaries. – Leslie Knope

We don’t just tolerate diversity, we celebrate it. – Ben Wyatt

I’m not a crybaby. I cry all the time; it’s no big deal. – Ann Perkins

There’s nothing more badass than treating a woman with respect. – Ron Swanson

The only thing that could have made this day better is ice cream. – Leslie Knope

I’m a feminist, okay? I would like to think that makes me qualified to be in charge of you. – Leslie Knope

Clear alcohols are for rich women on diets. – Ron Swanson

I am a goddess, a glorious female warrior. – Leslie Knope

I’m like an elephant, okay? If I walk into a room, it’s like, okay, he’s in there. – Tom Haverford

I’ve been quite open about this around the office: I don’t want this parks department to build any parks, because I don’t believe in government. – Ron Swanson

I think the entire government should be privatized. Chuck E. Cheese could run the parks. Everything operated by tokens. Drop in a token, go on the Tilt-a-Whirl. Drop in another token, take a walk. Drop in a token, go for a swim. – Leslie Knope

Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot. – Tom Haverford

I tried to make ramen in the coffee pot and I broke everything. – April Ludgate

Zerts are what I call desserts. Tray-trays are entrees. I call sandwiches ‘sammies,’ ‘sandoozles,’ or ‘Adam Sandlers.’ Air conditioners are ‘cool blasterz,’ with a ‘z’ — I don’t know where that came from. I call cakes ‘big ol’ cookies.’ I call noodles ‘long-ass rice.’ Fried chicken is ‘fry-fry chickie-chick.’ Chicken parm is ‘chicky-chicky-parm-parm.’ Chicken cacciatore? ‘Chicky-cach.’ I call eggs ‘pre-birds,’ or ‘future birds.’ Root beer is ‘super water.’ Tortillas are ‘bean blankets.’ And I call forks ‘food rakes. – Tom Haverford

When someone shows you who they are, you believe them. The first time. – Leslie Knope

I was born ready. I’m Ron F**king Swanson. – Ron Swanson

I’m just a little bit scared of commitment. It’s not like I have a fear of it, per se. I’m just a little bit unsure about it, to an extent. – Tom Haverford

Sometimes you have to work a little, so you can ball a lot. – Donna Meagle

I have no idea what I’m doing, but I know I’m doing it really, really well. – Andy Dwyer

We have to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work. But work has to come third. – Leslie Knope

I’m sorry, you must be confusing me with the maid we don’t have. – Tom Haverford

I have the best job in the world. I’m the President of the United States. – Leslie Knope

Sometimes you gotta work a little so you can ball a lot. – Tom Haverford

In my opinion, not enough people have looked their dinner in the eyes and considered the circle of life. – Leslie Knope

Why would anyone want to be in love? It just leads to kissing, and kissing leads to touching, and touching leads to hugging, and hugging leads to the singing of show tunes. – Ron Swanson

I find it physically impossible to use the same toothbrush twice. – April Ludgate

I’m kind of like a savory donut. I’m pretty tempting but I’m way better than I look. – Donna Meagle

Who cares about winning? Let’s be honest, life is just a string of magical moments. – Leslie Knope

I’m allergic to sushi. Every time I eat sushi, I get sick. I want to know how to enjoy sushi, but I can’t. – Tom Haverford

We need to remember what’s important in life: friends, waffles, and work. Or waffles, friends, work, it doesn’t matter. But work has to come third. – Leslie Knope

I regret nothing. The end. – Ron Swanson

Whatever happens, we’re through the worst. We’re alive, and we’re together. And that makes this the best, the very best. – Leslie Knope

There are no strings on me. – Ron Swanson

I don’t want to go to work. I want to go to camp. I don’t want to go to camp. I want to go to work. Am I normal? – April Ludgate

Friends, waffles, work. That’s my life. If I had a friend, their name would be Waffles. – Leslie Knope

I have no interest in food without chicken tenders. I call them ‘li’l birdies’. – April Ludgate

Basically, I’ve proven time and time again that I’m a total catch, and I’m not going to hide it. – Tom Haverford

I love animals. I went to the zoo once, and I loved it. But I don’t love zoos anymore, so I want to become a veterinarian to care for sick animals. – Andy Dwyer

I’m done with metaphors. That’s too much for me. I’m done with work. I’m just gonna be with you. We’re gonna live a great life together. – Leslie Knope