Mr. Burns Quotes – Unforgettable Lines From The Iconic Simpsons Character

Excellent, Smithers. Excellent!

Release the hounds!

I bring you love!

I’m as happy as a sick mule in a mineral spring.

I don’t have to be nice, I’m loaded.

I have the manners of a goat and the scent of a goat!

If I could just say a few words… I’d be a better public speaker.

I’m not a greedy man, I’ve just got a greedy appetite.

Smithers, release the robotic Richard Simmons.

Ah, the sweet smell of failure.

I’m not a billionaire, I’m a trillionaire.

Smithers, crush their spirits!

What good is money if it can’t buy happiness?

It’s not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy me a yacht big enough to sail right up to it.

If you really want something in life, you have to work for it. Now, quiet, they’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

Smithers, I’ve invented a new word: ‘irritainment.’ It’s a combination of irritation and entertainment, and it perfectly describes everything about The Simpsons.

It’s amazing how loud this whispering can be.

I’ll keep it short and sweet: Family. Religion. Friendship. These are the three demons you must slay if you wish to succeed in business.

I have all the money I’ll ever need. Just don’t ask me for any.

Smithers, bring me a chocolate frosted donut and some handcuffs. Get the chocolate all over your hands first.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a walking encyclopedia of failure?

Do I tell you how to do your job? Don’t answer that.

I’m not against progress, I’m just against change.

Smithers, I’m giving you a four-word review of your performance: ‘Unsatisfactory, but improving.’

Smithers, what’s the point of having friends if they can’t inflate your ego?

Smithers, I’m watching you. Like a very rich, very old hawk.

I’ll keep it simple: greed is good, greed works, greed clarifies, cuts through, and captures the essence of the evolutionary spirit.

I love it when a plan comes together, even if it wasn’t my plan.

Smithers, I’ve had a revelation. I’m going to start using my powers for good.

Excellent. Another step closer to total global domination.

Smithers, remind me to donate to the Something-Or-Other Foundation. They do something good, I’m sure.

Do you think I’m made of money? Well, actually, I am, but don’t tell anyone.

I’m not old, I’m just early for my next life adventure.

Smithers, I’ve decided to take up meditation. I can’t wait to not think about anything, especially not you.

Smithers, take note: happiness is just an illusion, like true love or the calorie count on a salad bar.

I may be old, but I’ve seen more than you’ll ever know. And that’s a good thing for both of us.

I’m not one to brag, but I’ve never lost a game of chess. Except for that time I played against myself.

Smithers, remind me to buy a charity and shut it down. It’s my favorite kind of philanthropy.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, I’ll gladly take the job.

Smithers, do you believe in luck? I don’t, but I sure do enjoy rubbing it in the faces of those who do.

I don’t believe in second chances, only third, fourth, and fifth ones.

Smithers, stop trying to make sense of my actions. It’s a waste of your time and my amusement.

I may not be the smartest man in the world, but I pay people to be.

Smithers, have you ever wondered why no one likes you as much as they like me? It’s a conundrum, really.

I always say, work smart, not hard. And if that doesn’t work, hire someone to do it for you.

Smithers, there’s a fine line between genius and madness. Consider me a tightrope walker.

The key to success is making other people believe they need what you have, even if they don’t.

I’m not bossy, I just have a very high level of confidence in my own excellence.

Smithers, remember: my power lies not in my wealth, but in my ability to manipulate those who crave it.