Kinky Friedman Quotes

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a thinking problem.

The difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

The only thing that’s longer than a Texas mile is a Kinky Friedman story.

I’d rather be a reincarnation of a well-fed cat than a poor saint.

In Texas, there are only two things that people care about: God and football. And sometimes, not necessarily in that order.

Never underestimate the power of a good laugh, or a cold beer.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a damn good pair of boots.

It’s not about the size of the hat, but how you tilt it.

If you can’t find the humor in life, you’re probably not looking hard enough.

In Texas, we don’t retire. We just keep rustling cattle and telling tall tales.

Love thy neighbor, but keep your shotgun loaded, just in case.

There’s a fine line between eccentric and crazy, and I like to dance on that line.

If at first you don’t succeed, just blame it on your upbringing.

Life is too short to drink bad whiskey.

The best way to get over a hangover is to start drinking again.

I may not be the sharpest knife in the drawer, but I’m damn good at spreading butter.

Sometimes, the best therapy is a long drive on a dusty road.

It’s not about how many books you read, but how many fires you start.

You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain, and a few thunderstorms for good measure.

When life hands you lemons, make a margarita.

I used to be indecisive, but now I’m not so sure.

I don’t need an alarm clock to wake up in the morning, I just need a good cup of coffee and a hungry dog.

Fashion may fade, but cowboy boots are forever.

If you’re going to do something, do it with gusto, and a side of salsa.

I don’t believe in luck, but I do believe in the power of a good poker face.

Love may be blind, but it sure does know how to ride a horse.

If life doesn’t give you a happy ending, just write your own damn story.

I may be a little rough around the edges, but at least I’ll never be boring.

I’m not a cowboy, I’m a cosmic cowboy searching for the meaning of life in a bottle of bourbon.

The only thing that’s worse than being talked about is not being talked about.

The way I see it, life is like a dancehall. You gotta know when to two-step and when to waltz.

People may come and go, but a good dog will always be by your side.

If you want something done right, just find a Texan and get out of the way.

Success is not measured by how much money you have, but by how many friends you can count on.

I may not have all the answers, but I’m damn good at asking the right questions.

I may have a few loose screws, but at least I’m not afraid to use them.

If life gives you cacti, make tequila.

You can take the cowboy out of Texas, but you can’t take the Texas out of the cowboy.

To be a true Texan, you have to know how to feed a crowd and throw a good party.

I may not have a degree in philosophy, but I sure can talk a good game.

Life is like a good barbecue – slow-cooked, smoky, and best enjoyed with friends.

If you can’t laugh at yourself, just invite me over. I’ll do it for you.

The only thing more dangerous than a Texas tornado is a woman with attitude.

I may not have a million dollars, but I have a million stories to tell.

I don’t need a therapist. I have a guitar and a bottle of whiskey.

If the shoe fits, buy it in every color.

I don’t always know where I’m going, but I always know where I’ve been – and that’s Texas.

It’s not about how fast you can ride, but how good you look doing it.

The older I get, the more I realize that it’s not about the destination, but the journey – preferably on a Harley Davidson.

Life is too short to wear boring underwear.