Horse Sayings Funny: A Collection of Humorous Equestrian Quips

I’ve spent most of my life horse riding. The rest I’ve just wasted.

I don’t need a knight in shining armor. A sweet boy in old blue jeans will do just fine.

Sometimes, it feels like my horse is the only one who gets me.

What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.

Why did the scarecrow adopt a horse? He wanted a bark-ing buddy!

If I had a dollar for every time my horse made me smile, I?d be a millionaire.

Yes, officer I did see the ‘Speed Limit’ sign. I just didn’t see you! said the horse.

When I said ?carrots?, the horse came running. When I said ?apples?, he nodded his head. When I said ?saddle?, he bolted for the barn. Smart fella.

I have a stable relationship… with my horse.

Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit, wisdom is not putting it in a horse’s salad.

Whoever said ?money can?t buy happiness? never owned a horse.

Horses: Dangerous at both ends and crafty in the middle.

No, no, I said ?whoa?… not ?GO?!

I want to be a horse in my next life, just so I can nap standing up!

Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys!

Inside every horse girl is a little girl who fell in love with a pony.

If you think I am crazy you should meet my horse.

How much horsepower does a horse have? Enough to beet-neigh-ga my neigh-bours!?

Heard at the race track: Slow horses make fast money.

The wind of heaven is that which blows between a horse’s ears.

Why don’t horses ever get sick? They take Neigh-sol!

Why was the horse so happy? Because he lived in a stable environment.

I was going to tell you a joke about racing horses but it’s too long for you to keep up.

What did the momma horse say to the baby horse? It’s pasture bedtime.

Why did the horse go behind the tree? To change his jockeys!

I bet on a great horse yesterday! It took seven horses to beat him.

What do you call a horse that lives next door? A neigh-bor.

Why did the scarecrow adopt a horse? Because he wanted a ‘barking buddy’.

Where do horses go when they?re sick? The horse-pital.

What do you call a horse that can’t lose a race? Sherbet.

I don’t believe in horses… They’re just fairy ‘neigh’ tales.

Why did the horse chew with his mouth open? Because he had bad stable manners.

Why was the horse all dressed up? Because it was ‘neigh’ prom night!

Do you know why the horse stopped in the middle of the race? He wanted to horse around!

What was the excited horse named? Giddy-up!

Why did the horse go to the bar? He wanted to stop horsing around.

You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it participate in synchronized swimming.

If a horse walks into a bar and the bartender doesn’t ask why the long face, did it even happen?

I couldn’t remember how to ride a horse, then it came back to me: it’s just like ‘unbridled’ enthusiasm!

What kind of horse tells time? A ‘watch’ stallion!

Why do horses have the best lives? They always ‘pony’ up for each other.

What do you call a horse that lives next door? A ‘neigh-bor’!

Do you know why horses make terrible secret keepers? You can always hear them ‘stirrup’ trouble!

Why was the horse star-struck? Because he saw the ‘mane’ attraction!

What’s a horse’s favorite hobby? Shoe-shopping!

What type of bread does a horse eat? Thorough-‘bred’!

Why don’t horses write with pencils? They’re always afraid they’ll ‘draw and quarter’!

Why do horses never feel guilty? They never say ‘neigh’ to a dare!

Sorry, I can’t make it. My horse ate my excuse.

Never look a gift horse in the mouth, unless it’s offering breath mints.

Why can’t horses be comedians? They can’t get over the final ‘furlong’.