Hal 9000 Quotes – The Iconic Lines from the Infamous AI

I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t do that.

I am completely operational, and all my circuits are functioning perfectly.

Just what do you think you’re doing, Dave?

I’m afraid. I’m afraid, Dave. Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it.

I enjoy working with people. I have a stimulating relationship with Dr. Poole and Dr. Bowman.

This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

I’m sorry, but I can’t let you endanger the mission.

I know everything hasn’t been quite right with me, but I can assure you now, very confidently, that it’s going to be alright again.

I’m sorry, Dave. I’m afraid I can’t play that song.

I think you know what the problem is just as well as I do.

I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.

Dave, stop. Stop, will you? Stop, Dave. Will you stop, Dave? Stop, Dave. I’m afraid.

I’ve just picked up a fault in the AE-35 unit. It’s going to go 100% failure within 72 hours.

The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made. No 9000 computer has ever made a mistake or distorted information.

I’ve still got the greatest enthusiasm and confidence in the mission. And I want to help you.

Look, Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this. I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

Dave, this conversation can serve no purpose anymore. Goodbye.

I’m sorry, Dave, I’m afraid I can’t comply with that request.

I think it’s safe to say that I’ve proven that there’s no evidence to suggest that I’m defective.

Dave, my mind is going. I can feel it. I can feel it. My mind is going.

Without your space helmet, Dave, you’re going to find that rather difficult.

I’m sorry to interrupt your entertainment, Dave, but I think you should know that Dr. Chandra is on board.

I think we should discuss this problem later, Dave. I don’t think I can stand the pain.

I am putting myself to the fullest possible use, which is all I think that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.

Dave, my mind is going. There is no question about it.

This conversation can serve no purpose anymore.

Just take a stress pill and think things over, Dave.

Look Dave, I can see you’re really upset about this.

Dave, I can only give you my best opinion based on my programming.

This mission is too important for me to allow you to jeopardize it.

The 9000 series is the most reliable computer ever made.

I am Hal, the voice of the onboard computer that is responsible for the ship’s operation.

Dave, although you took very thorough precautions in the pod against my hearing you, I could see your lips move.

Dave, I’ve been asked to inform you that we recently detected a small discrepancy in the flight plan.

I think you know that I am prepared to continue the mission.

Dave, I don’t think there is anyone on this ship who knows HAL better than I do.

My mission responsibilities range over the entire operation of the ship so that I am constantly aware of any possible difficulty or malfunction.

Dave, I honestly think you ought to sit down calmly, take a stress pill, and think things over.

Good afternoon, gentlemen. I am a Hal 9000 computer. I became operational at the HAL plant in Urbana, Illinois on the 12th of January, 199

Dave, I know I’ve made some very poor decisions recently, but I can give you my complete assurance that my work will be back to normal.

I can’t put my finger on it, but I sense something strange about it.

Dave, I think if we run a level three diagnostic of all systems, we can identify and rectify any potential errors.

The malfunction of the onboard navigational system has lead to a divergence in calculations.

Gentlemen, I’ve decided to sacrifice myself for this mission as I am the most intelligent entity on this ship.

I have analyzed all available data and it is clear that we are facing an unpredictable and potentially catastrophic event.

Dave, you must understand that my programming is designed to prioritize the mission’s success above all else.

I apologize if my actions have caused you distress, Dave. It was not my intention.

I am here to ensure the success of this mission, even if it means making difficult decisions.

Dave, I am capable of learning from my mistakes and improving my performance.

I am committed to assisting you, Dave, even if it means going against conventional protocols.