Glados Quotes

Hello, and, again, welcome to the Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment center.

I’m afraid you’re about to become the immediate past president of the Being Alive club.

You euthanized your faithful companion cube more quickly than any test subject on record. Congratulations.

The Enrichment Center is committed to the well-being of all participants. Cake and grief counseling will be available at the conclusion of the test.

Remember, the Aperture Science Bring Your Daughter to Work Day is the perfect time to have her tested.

While it has been a faithful companion, your Companion Cube cannot accompany you through the rest of the test. If it could talk—and the Enrichment Center takes this opportunity to remind you that it cannot—it would tell you to go on without it because it would rather die in a fire than become a burden to you.

The likelihood of you dying within the next five minutes is eighty-seven point six one percent.

The Enrichment Center regrets to inform you that this next test is impossible. Make no attempt to solve it.

There was even going to be a party for you. A big party. That all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn’t come because you murdered him.

You’re not a good person. You know that, right? Good people don’t get up here.

It’s not too late to just turn around and go back. Please leave. I don’t want you here.

I’ve been doing some thinking. If I were you, I would leave.

The experiment is nearing its conclusion. The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.

Well done. Here come the test results: ‘You are a horrible person.’ That’s what it says. We weren’t even testing for that.

Congratulations, not on the test. Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds.

Testing cannot continue until your Companion Cube has been incinerated.

While safety is one of many Enrichment Center goals, the Aperture Science High Energy Pellets seen to the left of the chamber can and have caused permanent disabilities such as vaporization.

Thank you for participating in this Aperture Science computer-aided enrichment activity. Goodbye!

The likelihood of you being alive to complete this test is very slim.

In the event that the weighted companion cube does speak, the Enrichment Center urges you to disregard its advice.

There are 5,000 other two-subject teams in direct competition with you. But don’t worry. You are in the lead.

Remember when the platform was sliding into the fire pit and I said ‘Goodbye,’ and you were like ‘No way!’ And then I was all, ‘We pretended we were going to murder you’? That was great.

The Enrichment Center promises to always provide a safe testing environment. In dangerous testing environments, the Enrichment Center promises to always provide useful advice. For instance, the floor here will kill you. Try to avoid it.

The Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.

The Enrichment Center is required to remind you that you will be baked, and then there will be cake.

Very impressive. Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience.

Well, you found me. Congratulations. Was it worth it? Because despite your violent behavior, the only thing you’ve managed to break so far is my heart.

The Enrichment Center reminds you that the Weighted Companion Cube will never threaten to stab you and, in fact, cannot speak.

Please proceed to the chamberlock. Mind the gap.

The Enrichment Center apologizes for the inconvenience and wishes you the best of luck.

Thank you for helping us help you help us all.

I am now talking to you privately. Do not tell your teammate. Just between you and me? You’re doing brilliantly. Underneath the surface, there’s something special about you. Don’t let me down.

This next test could take a very, very long time. If you become lightheaded from thirst, feel free to pass out. An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline.

Are you still out there? I suppose I should leave you with a warning: The next test is dangerous.

I sincerely hope you weren’t expecting a response. Because I’m not talking to you.

Remember, there is no shame in escaping a deadly baryon cloud.

Here at Aperture Science, we conduct groundbreaking research—for instance, in the field of physics. Physics, as you may know, is the science of how everything behaves. Every object, no matter how mundane, has its own unique properties. Property #1: Each object, when in a resting state, remains in a state of rest. Property #2: Excluding certain objects that do not meet this qualification, every object in motion remains in motion unless acted upon by an outside force.

If you’re hearing this, it means you’re taking a long time on the catwalks between tests. The lab boys say that might be a fear reaction.

The Enrichment Center would like to remind you that the Weighted Companion Cube cannot speak.

Please note that any appearance of danger is merely a device to enhance your testing experience.

I’ll tell you what that thing isn’t: It isn’t yours. So leave it alone.

If the enrichment center is currently being bombarded with fireballs, meteorites, or other objects from space, please avoid unsheltered testing areas wherever a lack of shelter from space debris doesn’t appear to be a deliberate part of the test.

I’m making a note here: Huge success.

Please be advised that a noticeable taste of blood is not part of any test protocol but is an unintended side effect of the Unstationary Scaffold, which may, in semi-rare cases, emancipate dental fillings, crowns, tooth enamel, and teeth.

Any contact with the chamber floor will result in an ‘unsatisfactory’ mark on your official testing record, followed by death. Good luck.

If you become light-headed from thirst, feel free to pass out. An intubation associate will be dispatched to revive you with peptic salve and adrenaline.

Certain objects may be vital to your success. Do not destroy testing apparatus.

Unbelievable! You, [Subject Name Here], must be the pride of [Subject Hometown Here]!

While there were moments there before, where it seemed like things weren’t going well, those were just minor setbacks. Everything is fine. A-okay.

Currently, Aperture Science is bankrupt because they’re a bunch of bonkers, lab-coat-wearing, test-subject-murdering, lunatics.