George Lopez Quotes – Inspiring and Humorous Words from the Comedian

I’m not a Mexican. I’m an American with a Mexican accent.

I can’t speak any language other than English and bad Spanish.

If Mexicans were good at swimming, we’d have our own Olympics.

If you don’t like Mexicans, we’ll build the wall for you.

I’m half-Mexican, half-white, so I’m a walking margarita.

I know I’m funny because people laugh at me in two languages.

Mexican mothers don’t yell, they simply invoke the ghost of all your ancestors.

Mexican moms have a PhD in beating your ass.

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all.

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

If being weird is a crime, I plead guilty.

I’m not fat, I’m just easy to see.

I’m not short, I’m fun-sized.

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

I’m not lazy, I just like to save energy.

I’m not a morning person, I’m a nooner.

I’m not slow, I’m on Mexican time.

I don’t have a short temper, I just have a quick reaction to bullshit.

I’m not a control freak, I just know what’s best for everyone.

I’m not clumsy, I’m grace challenged.

I’m not bossy, I just know what you should be doing.

I’m not forgetful, I just have selective memory.

I’m not sensitive, I’m emotionally proactive.

I’m not rude, I’m just honest.

I’m not a quitter, I’m just on a long-term break.

I don’t have trust issues, I just have a finely-tuned BS detector.

I’m not high maintenance, I just have high standards.

I’m not a stalker, I’m just thorough with my investigations.

I’m not always right, but I’m never wrong.

I don’t need rehab, I need a vacation.

I’m not indecisive, I’m just multi-talented.

I don’t have road rage, I have people incompetence.

I’m not a hoarder, I’m a collector of memories.

I’m not judgemental, I’m just highly observant.

I’m not a bad cook, I’m just an excellent food critic.

I’m not opinionated, I’m informed.

I’m not a procrastinator, I’m just highly-efficient under pressure.

I’m not a know-it-all, I’m just well-educated.

I’m not an introvert, I’m just a discerning socializer.

I don’t have a dirty mind, I have a creative one.

I’m not a night owl, I’m a nocturnal superhero.

I’m not a drama queen, I’m an emotional artist.

I’m not difficult, I just have high standards for excellence.

I’m not a diva, I’m a star in the making.

I’m not a troublemaker, I just have a magnetic personality.

I’m not a party animal, I’m a social enthusiast.

I don’t have an attitude problem, I just have a low tolerance for BS.

I’m not a couch potato, I just love horizontal life appreciation.

I’m not perfect, but I’m pretty darn close.