Garfield Quotes – Hilarious and Relatable Sayings From Our Favorite Cat

I hate Mondays. They’re the worst invention since the calendar.

I’m not lazy, I’m just energy efficient.

I’m not overweight, I’m undertall.

Dieting is like giving up on life, except weaker.

I always say, if you can’t beat ’em, cheat ’em.

I’m not a permissive cat, I’m just highly tolerant.

I’m not stubborn, my way is just better.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not you.

I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop pissing me off.

Exercise? I thought you said extra fries.

I’m not irresponsible, I just have a different sense of priorities.

I’m allergic to mornings.

I’m not cute, I’m fierce with a dash of fluff.

I’m not antisocial, I’m selectively social.

I’m not opinionated, I’m always right.

I’m not a cat, I’m an independent contractor for cuddles.

I’m not a morning person, or an afternoon person, or an evening person. Actually, just don’t talk to me.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I’m not clingy, I just want to be in the same room as you at all times.

I don’t have a to-do list, I have a to-don’t list.

I’m not dramatic, I’m passionately expressive.

I’m not high-maintenance, I’m just worth it.

I don’t play hard to get, I play hard to want.

I don’t make friends, I make minions.

I don’t need a purpose, I have a nap schedule.

I don’t hold grudges, I hold onto snacks.

I don’t need attention, I need adoration.

I’m not clumsy, I just prefer the floor.

I’m not demanding, I’m just persuasive.

I don’t need therapy, I have sarcasm.

I don’t chase dreams, I sleep through them.

I don’t need a therapist, I need a treat dispenser.

I don’t need a hobby, I invented napping.

I’m not messy, I’m creatively organized.

I don’t follow trends, I set them for sleeping.

I’m not lazy, I’m conserving my energy.

I’m not a slob, I’m an artist of chaos.

I don’t trust diets, I trust my taste buds.

I don’t need exercise, I already walk all over people.

I’m not sleepy, I’m practicing for the next nap Olympics.

I’m not difficult, I’m just divinely complicated.

I don’t run from my problems, I let them chase me.

I’m a cat, so naturally, I’m above average.

I don’t ask for attention, I demand it.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I’m already purrfect.

I don’t need a plan, I make it up as I go along.

I may be lazy, but I’m also fiercely adorable.

I’m not cranky, I’m just surrounded by idiots.

I don’t apologize, I enlighten.