Funny Work Quotes

I love my job, but only when I’m on vacation.

I work well under pressure… as long as it’s someone else’s pressure.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on my energy-saving mode at work.

My job is like a gym membership – I pay for it but rarely go.

Work hard, nap harder.

I’m not a control freak, I just prefer things to be done my way.

Procrastination is my best skill at work.

I get paid to be here, not to work.

Sometimes I pretend to work so my boss can pretend to pay me.

Coffee: because adulting is hard.

I may not be perfect at my job, but at least I’m entertaining.

Work: the fine art of pretending to be busy.

I’m not a morning person or an afternoon person, I’m a coffee person.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a work problem.

I may not have gone where I intended to go, but I ended up where I needed to be: at work.

Don’t worry about that big promotion, because you’ll never get it.

Some people just need a high-five… in the face… with a chair.

If at first you don’t succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

I’m not bossy. I just have better ideas.

Sorry I’m late, I didn’t want to come.

I’m not anti-social, I’m selectively social.

Success in work is about timing. Unfortunately, my timing is always off.

If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldn’t have a job if he were any smarter.

I work best under minimal supervision… like none at all.

I wasn’t made for Mondays, I was made for weekends.

The only way to do great work is to avoid it completely.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there.

Don’t take life too seriously, nobody gets out alive.

I don’t suffer from stress, I’m a carrier.

I’m not a doctor, but I play one in the office.

Work before play? I call it work instead of play.

I may not be the most organized person at work, but I make up for it with enthusiasm.

My job is secure – nobody else wants it.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

I’m not saying I hate my job, but I wouldn’t cry if it went missing.

I don’t have a 9-to-5 job, I have a when-I-feel-like-it job.

I’m not clumsy, I just make random gravity checks.

I do my best work when nothing is happening at work.

There’s a fine line between genius and insanity, and I’m a tightrope walker.

Working hard or hardly working? I’ll let you decide.

It’s not that I’m not a team player, I’m just on a different team.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I live on coffee and sarcasm, with a side of productivity.

You know you’re doing well at work when your boss yells at you to stop emailing so fast.

I’m sorry, I can’t come to work today – my cat needs me.

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

Being punctual is just a polite way of saying I didn’t want to sleep in.

I’m not a morning person, or an afternoon person, or an evening person – I’m just not a person.

The only way to do great work is to avoid it completely.

I work hard to improve myself, and by ‘work’, I mean ‘sit at my desk and look busy’.