Funny Sports Quotes

I used to play sports… then I realized you can buy trophies. Now I’m good at everything.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, I prefer to watch from the sidelines.

Sports aren’t my thing. I prefer to exercise my right to be lazy.

They say sports build character, but all I’ve built is a high tolerance for sitting on the couch.

I tried playing sports once, but it turns out I’m allergic to running.

Sports are great exercise, if you consider running from your problems a workout.

They say sports teach you teamwork, but I’ve found that sarcasm works just as well.

Sports are a great way to break a sweat, or just break your remote control from all the yelling.

I love sports, especially the part where I get to sit down and eat snacks.

Sports are like algebra: I have no idea what’s going on, but I pretend to understand.

My favorite sports team is the one with the best snacks at the stadium.

I play sports for the love of the game… and also for the snacks at halftime.

I don’t always watch sports, but when I do, it’s usually for the commercials.

Sports are a great way to stay active, or at least active on social media.

I may not be good at sports, but I’m an Olympic-level pro at avoiding them.

Sports are like taxes: I don’t understand them, but I still have to pay attention.

I used to think sports were important, until I realized pizza delivery is faster than running.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, I make sure to stretch out my couch potato muscles first.

Sports are a great way to work up an appetite for pizza.

My favorite sport is pillow fighting. It’s the only one where I can’t drop the ball.

I don’t need sports to break a sweat. Opening a pickle jar is enough of a workout for me.

I’m a pro at sports… watching them on TV while eating nachos.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, I make sure to have a medical team on standby.

Sports are a great way to test your cardiovascular system, or your ability to breathe while eating popcorn.

I don’t always understand sports, but I do understand the concept of cheering for the team with the cutest uniforms.

Sports are a great way to stay in shape… if you consider the shape of a triangle.

I may not be good at sports, but I can win any office chair spinning competition.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, it’s usually against my own will.

Sports are a great way to give yourself an excuse for eating an entire pizza by yourself.

I don’t always watch sports, but when I do, I fall asleep and dream about pizza.

I don’t need sports to feel accomplished. I can put together IKEA furniture without instructions.

Sports are like a foreign language to me. I may never understand them, but I can still pretend to know what’s going on.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, I make sure to have an ice pack and a pizza ready for afterwards.

Sports are a great way to remind yourself that you’re not as athletic as you thought you were in high school.

I don’t always watch sports, but when I do, it’s usually just to be social and eat snacks in a room full of people.

Sports are a great way to feel like you’re part of a team without actually having to contribute any physical effort.

I may not be good at sports, but I’m an expert at knowing which seat in the stadium has the best view of the hot dog vendor.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, I make sure to have a designated person to blame if things go wrong.

Sports are a great way to show off your athletic abilities by tripping over your own feet.

I don’t always watch sports, but when I do, it’s usually just to see if anyone falls down and makes a fool of themselves.

Sports are a great way to make yourself feel alive – until you remember that you’re still sitting on the couch.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, I make sure there’s a good snack bar nearby.

Sports are a great way to test your pain tolerance, especially when you accidentally hit yourself in the face with a ball.

I don’t always watch sports, but when I do, it’s usually just to see if anyone’s outfit is worse than mine.

Sports are a great way to feel like you’re part of something bigger, like being a blip on the radar of millions of people watching.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, I make sure to have my excuses ready ahead of time.

Sports are a great way to stay active, or at least active enough to chase after the ice cream truck.

I don’t always watch sports, but when I do, it’s usually just to see if anyone does anything worthy of being a meme.

Sports are a great way to bond with friends over a shared lack of coordination.

I don’t always play sports, but when I do, I make sure to have an emergency pizza delivery hotline on speed dial.