Funny Soccer Quotes

I only play soccer on days that end in ‘y’.

Don’t worry, I have a great left foot… unfortunately, it’s attached to my right leg.

I don’t always play soccer, but when I do, I trip over my own feet.

You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take, and I miss 100% of the shots I do take.

I have a love-hate relationship with soccer… I love playing it, but I hate running.

Soccer: the only sport where kicking something is socially acceptable.

Soccer is like a language I don’t speak, but I still try to communicate with my feet.

I don’t need a therapist, I just need a soccer ball.

Never trust a soccer player who says they’ll ‘be right back’. They’ll probably be on the field for hours.

Soccer may be a kick in the grass, but it still gets my adrenaline pumping.

If practice makes perfect, then I must be the most imperfect soccer player out there.

I’m not lazy, I’m just conserving energy for the soccer game.

Soccer is the most popular sport in the world… and I’m still trying to figure out why.

I could pass the ball to my teammate, or I could attempt a fancy trick and miss. Tough decision.

When life gives you lemons, find a soccer goal and start shooting.

Some people dream of scoring goals, I dream of a world where soccer is played on a trampoline.

I may not be the best soccer player, but at least I can take a good dive.

I’ve got 99 problems, but scoring a goal ain’t one.

I may not have the speed of Usain Bolt, but give me a soccer ball and I’ll race you to the goal.

In soccer, the goal isn’t just to win, it’s to not trip over your own feet.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I just need someone to constantly remind me to tie my shoelaces.

Soccer is like a puzzle, and I’m the missing piece. Or maybe the piece that doesn’t fit.

I often wonder why they call it soccer… it’s like kicking a ball, not sucking it with a straw.

Soccer: the only sport where sweat stains are a sign of victory.

I’ve mastered the art of celebrating a goal… even if it’s the other team’s goal.

Why do soccer players do well in school? They’re always making passes, getting assists, and scoring.

I don’t understand why they call it a ‘friendly’ game of soccer… there’s nothing friendly about it.

Soccer: where strangers become teammates and teammates become enemies.

If soccer was easy, they’d call it ‘basketball’.

I’m not always great at soccer, but when I am, I’m usually not paying attention.

I don’t play soccer to win, I play soccer for the post-game snacks.

I’ve been told I have great ball control… except when it comes to avoiding mud puddles.

Soccer: the only sport where you can get kicked in the shins and still have fun.

I’ve mastered the art of pretending not to be out of breath after running for 90 minutes straight.

If I had a dollar for every time I missed the goal, I’d be able to afford a better pair of cleats.

They say practice makes perfect, but how many practices until I can actually kick the ball straight?

Soccer is like a game of chess, except that the chessboard is 90 minutes long and you’re constantly moving.

I may not have the skills of Messi or Ronaldo, but at least I have vanishing spray to mark my territory.

The best time to score a goal is when the opponent is too busy laughing at my attempts to kick the ball.

Soccer is the only sport where you can use your hands… to complain to the referee.

I’m not saying I’m clumsy, but I trip over my own shadow when I play soccer.

If at first, you don’t succeed in scoring a goal, try again and again until the coach benches you.

My goalkeeping skills are so good that even the flies applaud when I miss a save.

Soccer: the only sport where yelling ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ can result in a heated argument.

I don’t always win at soccer, but when I do, it’s purely by accident.

I may not have the best aim, but I can hit a fan in the stands like nobody’s business.

In soccer, you have to be quick on your feet… unless you’re the goalkeeper, then you just have to dive.

I don’t need luck, I just need a soccer ball and an open goal.

Soccer is a game of strategy, skill, and… who am I kidding? It’s just about kicking a ball and hoping for the best.

Soccer may not be a science, but if it were, I’d be failing.