Funny Sayings: Bring a Smile to Your Face

I wish my bank account refilled as fast as my laundry basket.

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a thirst-quenching solution.

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

I believe the world is full of funny sayings… just not on Mondays.

I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop irritating me.

I don’t go crazy, I’m already there.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I don’t need Google, my wife knows everything.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just testing gravity.

I don’t need a hairstylist, I wake up with fabulous bed hair every morning.

I may be crazy, but at least I keep it entertaining.

I don’t need therapy, I have funny sayings to keep me sane.

I don’t snore, I dream I’m a motorcycle.

I’m not a control freak, I just have trust issues with gravity.

I don’t make mistakes, I create unexpected learning opportunities.

I’m not a morning person, I’m an ‘I need at least 5 cups of coffee to function’ person.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I just need someone to follow me around and slap food out of my hand.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just a ninja in training.

I don’t need luck, I have charm.

I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.

I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.

I don’t need a vacation, I need a new career.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are still under construction.

I don’t need an alarm clock, I wake up naturally early… 10 minutes before it’s time to get up.

I don’t need therapy, I just need a vacation on a tropical island.

I’m not forgetful, I’m just selective about what I remember.

I don’t talk to myself, I have an ongoing committee meeting in my brain.

I’m not lazy, I just have a strong aversion to unnecessary work.

I don’t need a gym membership, I have Netflix and a comfy couch.

I’m not a morning person, I’m a ‘don’t talk to me until I’ve had my coffee’ person.

I don’t believe in failure, I believe in unexpected success opportunities.

I don’t need a personal assistant, I need someone to do all the things I don’t want to do.

I’m not disorganized, I just have a creative mind.

I don’t need a diet, I need a personal chef who understands my love for pizza.

I’m not losing my mind, it’s wandering off on its own adventure.

I don’t need a reality check, I need a teleportation device to escape to a beach.

I’m not tardy, I just arrive fashionably late.

I don’t need a mirror, I just talk to my reflection for a confidence boost.

I’m not a perfectionist, I just have high standards that no one else can meet.

I don’t need an excuse, I have funny sayings to justify my actions.

I’m not indecisive, I just need all the options available before making a decision.

I don’t need a cheerleader, I’m my own motivational speaker.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just practicing my breakdancing moves.

I don’t need a hug, I just need a pizza.

I’m not messy, I’m creatively organized.

I don’t need a genie in a lamp, I just need a life-size chocolate bar that grants wishes.

I’m not a morning person, I’m a night owl trapped in an early riser’s body.

I don’t need a genie, I need a teleportation device to skip Mondays.

I’m not addicted to technology, I’m just in a committed relationship with my gadgets.