Funny retirement quotes
Retirement: the golden age of napping and not giving a dime.
Retirement: where everyday feels like Saturday.
Life begins at retirement…and the hobbies multiply.
You know you’re retired when a nap is more exciting than a party.
Retirement: the only time when you can have breakfast for dinner and no one judges you.
Retirement: it’s all fun and games until you realize you forgot what day it is.
Retirement: where every day is a vacation…except you have no idea what day it is or where you are.
Retirement: finally, time to catch up on all those naps I missed during my working years.
Retirement: now I have time to do all the things I never wanted to do.
Retirement: where you can wear socks with sandals and no one can stop you.
Retirement: the perfect time to trade in suits for sweatpants.
Retirement: the only time in life when it’s acceptable to have a drink before 5 pm…or after.
Retirement: where ‘honey-do’ lists become ‘honey-won’t’ lists.
Retirement: where the only commute you have is from the bed to the couch.
Retirement: the art of doing nothing without feeling guilty.
Retirement: the time when you finally get to say ‘it’s 5 o’clock somewhere’ and mean it.
Retirement: the joy of going to bed early…and waking up even earlier.
Retirement: a time when you can wear your pajamas all day and nobody cares.
Retirement: the ultimate excuse to ignore emails and embrace afternoon naps.
Retirement: where you can eat dinner at 4 pm and brag about it.
Retirement: when you trade in business meetings for coffee with friends.
Retirement: when you can finally take up all those hobbies you lied about on your resume.
Retirement: where you can spend all day searching for your misplaced glasses…and not caring when you find them.
Retirement: the time when your kids start complaining that you’re never home…just kidding, they never visit.
Retirement: when you realize pajamas are the only ‘business attire’ you need.
Retirement: where the word ‘deadline’ becomes a distant memory.
Retirement: when you start giving your kids unsolicited life advice and they tune out like you used to.
Retirement: the only time you’re happy to see gray hair…because it means you don’t have to dye it anymore.
Retirement: where ‘live, laugh, love’ becomes ‘eat, nap, repeat.’
Retirement: when 9 am is considered ‘sleeping in.’
Retirement: where your boss can no longer ruin your day, but the weather forecast can.
Retirement: the time when you can finally upgrade from instant coffee to the fancy stuff.
Retirement: when ‘binge-watching’ becomes a full-time job.
Retirement: a time when your job is to make everyone jealous of your laid-back lifestyle.
Retirement: when you start using phrases like ‘back in my day’ and ‘these kids today…’
Retirement: where happy hour starts at noon and ends whenever you feel like it.
Retirement: when dessert becomes a mandatory part of every meal.
Retirement: the time when you finally have an excuse to take up knitting…even if you’re terrible at it.
Retirement: where ‘senior discounts’ become a daily highlight.
Retirement: the time when you can finally stop pretending to like small talk and just say what’s on your mind.
Retirement: when you can finally appreciate the true beauty of daytime television programming.
Retirement: where you can turn the volume up on your hearing aid and the volume down on your TV.
Retirement: when Adam Sandler movies suddenly become highbrow entertainment.
Retirement: where you can put Scandinavian crime novels on your ‘work’ reading list.
Retirement: the time when you can finally devote yourself to becoming a professional cat lady/man.
Retirement: when you realize that spending your days watching grass grow can be oddly satisfying.
Retirement: where politics and sitcoms become interchangeable forms of entertainment.
Retirement: when you can take up birdwatching and become the neighborhood expert in cardinal species.
Retirement: the perfect time to start a collection of random things that you can’t explain.
Retirement: where the only boss you have is your dog, and even they can’t be bothered to give orders.