Funny Quotes and Memes to Share

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I’m not a doctor, but I’ll take a look.

I followed my heart, it led me to the fridge.

Don’t worry, be happy… with pizza.

I haven’t lost my mind, it’s backed up on a hard drive somewhere.

If I were a superhero, my superpower would be procrastination.

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not you.

My life feels like a test I didn’t study for.

Every time I lose weight, it finds me again.

I put the ‘fun’ in dysfunctional.

I’m not arguing, I’m simply explaining why I’m right.

I’m not clumsy, I just perform random gravity checks.

I’m sorry for what I said when I was hungry.

Behind every successful person is a substantial amount of coffee.

My bed and I are perfect for each other, but my alarm clock keeps trying to break us up.

I tried to be normal once. Worst two minutes of my life.

I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.

Dieting is the practice of eating donuts quietly in the dark.

I’m not a complete idiot; some parts are missing.

If you can’t remember my name, just call me ‘Awesome.’

I’m not lazy; I’m just on battery-saving mode.

Life is short, smile while you have teeth.

I’m so broke, I can’t even afford my own attention.

I don’t need a hairstylist; my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

If I won the award for procrastination, I would never pick it up.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just dance-challenged.

I’m not awkward, I’m just in Wonder Woman pose.

I only pretend to work; they pretend to pay me. It’s a fair deal.

If there’s a will, there are 500 relatives.

I don’t suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

I don’t need anger management; I need people to stop pissing me off.

I’m not shy; I’m just avoiding people I don’t like.

Let’s eat cake; it’s somebody’s birthday somewhere.

I’m not addicted to chocolate; we just have a reciprocal relationship.

Life is short, eat cookies for breakfast.

I’m not impatient, I just want everything right now.

I’m not weird; I’m a limited edition.

Dear math, I’m tired of finding your ‘X.’ Just accept the fact that she’s gone, and move on.

I’m not a complete idiot; there are some parts missing.

Everything in moderation, except for chocolate.

I may not be rich, but at least I have a sense of humor.

I don’t hold grudges; I remember facts.

I don’t always lose, but when I do, it’s on Instagram.

I’m not a superhero, but I can drink an entire bottle of wine and forget about my problems.

I’d like to take a moment to thank coffee for being there, every time I needed it to be.