Funny Quotes About Money

I’m not saying money can’t buy happiness, but it sure can buy a lot of puppies.

Money talks… but all mine ever says is goodbye!

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes… she gave me a hug!

I asked the bank if they could lend me some common sense… they said that’s not their currency.

I don’t have a lot of money, but at least I don’t have a lot of money.

I’m really good at managing money… just give me a dollar and watch me multiply it into nothing.

My wallet is like an onion, the more I open it, the more I cry.

I tried counting my money, but I fell asleep… guess it was a dream come true!

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a yacht big enough to pull up right alongside it.

I don’t need money, just a big suitcase with wheels and a one-way ticket to paradise.

Money can’t buy you friends, but it can buy you a dog that loves you unconditionally.

I’m not sure if money can’t buy happiness, but poverty can definitely buy a lot of problems.

My piggy bank has gone on a diet… it’s lost a lot of weight lately.

I used to be a millionaire, but my mom found out and now I’m just a normal person again.

I asked my bank if they offered karma points… they said only if I could deposit a good deed.

My credit card company called to tell me my balance is outstanding… I guess I’m doing something right!

I’m having a garage sale next month, so if you see me driving around, it’s just my stuff taking a joyride.

I accidentally donated all my spare change to the pennyless charity… they weren’t too happy about it.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy me chocolate, and that’s pretty close.

I’m not saying I’m broke, but my recipe book is just a collection of ramen noodle ideas.

My bank account and my weight have something in common… both numbers keep going up!

I don’t always have money, but when I do, it’s mostly at the grocery store.

I used to think money grew on trees… until I got my first paycheck.

They say money can’t buy love, but it can definitely buy a dog that won’t judge you.

Money doesn’t talk, it swears… especially when you check your bank account.

I’m saving up to buy a sense of humor… until then, financial jokes will have to do.

I don’t need money, life transfers me from broke to disappointed on a daily basis.

They say money can’t buy happiness, but I’d rather cry in a Lamborghini.

If you think money can’t buy happiness, then you’ve clearly never bought a donut.

I asked my bank for a loan, but they said my sense of humor wasn’t a valuable asset.

I could’ve been a millionaire, but my mom told me to focus on being a billionaire.

I don’t need money, I need a shopping cart and some good upper body strength.

Money isn’t everything, but it sure keeps the creditors away.

I tried to make a penny wish, but the only thing I wished for was more money.

I used to have a money tree, but it only grew empty branches.

I don’t always spend money, but when I do, it’s usually on food.

I asked my bank if they could expedite my paycheck… turns out they don’t offer teleportation services.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a vacation package to a pretty close destination.

I’m not saying I’m broke, but my piggy bank and I are fighting a custody battle.

My favorite exercise is running away from my responsibilities… it’s a free workout!

I asked my bank to increase my credit limit… they told me to increase my income first.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy a massage chair that comes pretty close.

My credit card’s favorite hobby is traveling… too bad it doesn’t invite me along.

I accidentally fell into a pile of money… luckily, it was just my monopoly board game.

I don’t need money, just a vacation home and someone to pay the bills for me.

I tried to invest in stocks, but all I got was a new pair of socks.

I don’t always have money, but when I do, it’s because I found it in my old jeans.

I don’t need money, just a genie with an unlimited supply of wishes… and money.

I asked the bank if they could give me interest on my personality… they said I’d have to deposit some first.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it can buy ice cream, and that’s pretty close.