Funny quotes 2024

I’m not lazy, I’m on energy-saving mode.

Sorry, I’m busy being awesome.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to test gravity.

I’ve decided to live forever. So far, so good.

Why try to fit in when you were born to stand out?

I can resist everything except temptation…and chocolate.

My brain has too many tabs open.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

If there’s a will, there’s a way. If there’s Wi-Fi, there’s a great way.

If I were a vegetable, I’d be a ‘cute-cumber’.

I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

Life is too short to wear boring socks.

I’m on a seafood diet, I see food and I eat it.

I’m not saying I’m Batman, I’m just saying no one has ever seen me and Batman in the same room together.

I don’t make mistakes, I date them.

I put the ‘pro’ in procrastination.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on ‘energy-saving’ mode.

If life gives you lemons, make margaritas.

I’m not weird, I’m limited edition.

I’m not listening, but keep talking, I enjoy the sound of your voice.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

I would lose weight, but I don’t like losing.

I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.

My doctor says I need a little more vitamin ‘sea’.

I’m not crazy, my reality is just different from yours.

I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me.

I may not be perfect, but at least I’m not fake.

I never make the same mistake twice. I make it five or six times, just to be sure.

I don’t need a Prince Charming. I need a chocolate-loving, wine-drinking, understanding unicorn.

I’m not bossy, I just have better ideas.

I’m not shy, I’m just great at finding my inner introvert.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on ‘battery saving’ mode.

I don’t have a dirty mind, I just have a sexy imagination.

I’m not a morning person. I’m not an afternoon person. I’m an ‘is it bedtime yet?’ person.

I’m not random, I’m strategically spontaneous.

I’m not short, I’m concentrated awesome.

I don’t need a love potion, I just need some sleep.

I don’t need anger management, I just need people to stop pissing me off.

I don’t need an alarm clock, my phone has a built-in snooze button.

I don’t need a personal assistant, I have my own personal chaos.

I’m not lazy, I’m just highly motivated to do nothing.

I don’t need a hairstylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just on a mission to test gravity.

I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

I’m not arguing, I’m just explaining why I’m right.

I’m not lazy, I just really enjoy doing nothing.

I don’t need a gym membership, my couch is my personal trainer.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just an expert at performing gravity checks.