Funny Lord of the Rings Quotes
I’m not short, I’m vertically challenged like a hobbit.
One does not simply walk into Mordor, unless you have Google Maps.
I would follow Gandalf into battle, but only if he promised to bring snacks.
I didn’t choose the hobbit life, the hobbit life chose me.
The only thing scarier than Sauron’s eye is Legolas’ perfectly groomed eyebrows.
A wizard is never late, he arrives precisely when he means to, or when his GPS tells him to.
I asked Gimli if he wanted a haircut, he said no, he’s been growing it for seven movies.
Arwen may be an elf princess, but she still can’t parallel park.
Frodo walked into Mordor, but I can’t even make it to the gym.
I heard Sauron has a ringtone, but it’s just heavy metal music.
Gollum may have lost a ring, but I lost my keys last week and I’m still not over it.
Boromir: ‘One does not simply pass the bread without taking a slice.’
Legolas: ‘I don’t need a GPS, I have my majestic hair to guide me.’
If Sam and Frodo had smartphones, the movie would’ve been over in ten minutes.
Eowyn: ‘I am no man, but I still use a sword to open pickles.’
Gandalf: ‘You shall not pass… without washing your hands!’
Aragorn may be king, but Bilbo is the real Lord of the Rings because he returned from his adventure and never stopped talking about it.
Gimli: ‘I apologize if my axe accidentally cuts your lawn, it’s just my dwarf nature.’
Merry and Pippin may be the comic relief, but they also eat all the snacks.
If I had a ring of power, I would use it to find all the missing socks in my laundry.
Gollum’s diet consists of fish, but I’m pretty sure his favorite food is ‘My Precious Pizza’.
Legolas: ‘I speak Elvish, but I can’t understand what my cat is saying.’
Frodo: ‘I don’t want to destroy the ring, I just want to take a nap.’
Gandalf may be a wizard, but he still can’t figure out how to use a microwave.
If Elrond had a Tinder profile, it would say ‘Lord of the Rivendell, looking for a love that’ll last through multiple movie trilogies.’
Boromir: ‘One does not simply eat one potato chip.’
Legolas: ‘I prefer arrows over emoji when it comes to expressing my emotions.’
If Gollum had an Instagram, his hashtag would be #preciousmoments.
Gandalf: ‘I’m not saying I’m always right, but my staff is never wrong.’
Even the Eye of Sauron needs a nap after watching the extended edition of the Lord of the Rings trilogy.
Sam: ‘I’ve carried Frodo up Mount Doom, but I still struggle to carry my groceries up the stairs.’
If Gollum was a rapper, his name would be ‘MC Precious’.
Gandalf may be a guide, but he still gets lost in mall parking lots.
If I had a ring of power, I would use it to pause time and take a really long nap.
Legolas: ‘I can shoot arrows with pinpoint accuracy, but I can’t hit the broad side of a barn in darts.’
Boromir: ‘One does not simply shop for groceries without forgetting at least one item.’
I asked Gollum what his favorite game is, he said ‘Ring Around the Rosie’.
If hobbits had a theme song, it would be ‘All About That Bass’ by Meghan Trainor.
Legolas: ‘I can run effortlessly over snow, but I always slip on the kitchen floor.’
Gandalf may be an expert on Middle-earth, but he still can’t figure out social media.
If Saruman was a fashion designer, his brand would be ‘Isengard Couture’.
Boromir: ‘One does not simply choose only one flavor of ice cream.’
Frodo: ‘I don’t want to rule Middle-earth, I just want to rule my Netflix queue.’
Gimli: ‘I may be short, but I can out-eat anyone at a buffet.’
If Legolas had a TikTok account, his dances would be even more majestic than his hair flips.
Gandalf: ‘I’m not a fire hazard, I’m just responsible for a lot of fireworks.’
If Sauron had a catchphrase, it would be ‘Eye see you’.
Legolas: ‘I can shoot arrows while doing a backflip, but I still trip over my own feet.’
Frodo: ‘I don’t need a ring, I just need a cup of coffee in the morning.’
Gandalf may be a powerful wizard, but even he can’t resist the allure of a good naptime.