Funny hockey quotes
In hockey, I’m a pro at icing…my injuries.
Hockey is the only sport where it’s acceptable to rough someone up while wearing blades on your feet.
They say hockey players have great stick-handling skills, but I’m still trying to master holding a pencil.
Hockey goalies have a tough job – they’re the only ones who can’t blame their mistakes on autocorrect.
My hockey team’s strategy? Puck ’em up and knock ’em down!
Hockey is a game of inches – and by inches, I mean those tiny skate blades.
Hockey players have a special relationship with ice – we love it until it trips us up.
Hockey may be a tough sport, but at least we get to wear cool jerseys.
The secret to scoring in hockey? Aim for the goalie’s five-hole and hope for the best.
Hockey may be a fast-paced sport, but my skating skills are more like a graceful, injured giraffe.
When in doubt, just keep shooting. Eventually, one will go in…or hit a spectator.
Hockey players don’t need road rage – we can take out our frustrations in the rink.
I used to have a fear of flying, but after playing hockey, I now have a fear of falling on ice.
Hockey is the only sport where the penalty box feels like a time-out corner for adults.
If you can’t beat ’em, slash ’em – just kidding, don’t actually do that.
They say hockey is a game of inches, but my slapshot is more like a game of miles per hour.
Hockey is the perfect sport for multitaskers – you have to watch the puck while avoiding getting hit in the face.
I once tried to do a trick shot in hockey, but ended up tripping over my own skates. The only trick was embarrassing myself.
You know it’s a hockey game when the smell of sweat and frozen nachos fills the air.
The adrenaline rush of scoring in hockey is addicting – it’s like putting a puck in a goal-shaped slot machine.
They say hockey players have thick skin, but my bruises beg to differ.
Hockey is the only sport where throwing an object at someone with extreme force is considered legal.
If you can’t handle the cold, don’t play hockey – or just wear extra layers like a human snowman.
Hockey players may wear helmets, but our real protection is a thick skull.
I may not be the fastest skater on the ice, but I’m the fastest at making grilled cheese sandwiches during intermission.
Hockey may have fighting, but I prefer to settle my differences with a friendly game of rock-paper-scissors.
Hockey players are the only ones who can turn a toothless smile into a fashion statement.
Hockey is a game of precision – just ask my opponents who have experienced my accidental high-stick to the face.
I’m not superstitious, but I do have a lucky hockey stick, lucky hockey socks, and a lucky hockey helmet.
Hockey is the only sport where being a ‘puck bunny’ is a good thing – they’re the ones who fetch the stray pucks.
Some people go to therapy, I play hockey to release my pent-up aggression.
Hockey is the perfect sport for introverts – we can hide behind our equipment and let our skills do the talking.
If hockey didn’t exist, I’d probably be a professional figure skater…or a professional klutz.
Hockey is the perfect sport for people who hate running – the ice does most of the work for us.
Hockey may be a tough sport, but my greatest opponent is always my own coordination.
Hockey players have the best handshake – it’s like a secret code of ice and sweat.
In hockey, we don’t choose our battles – they choose us, usually in the form of a fight on the ice.
Hockey is the only sport where you can yell, ‘I’m open!’ and get hit in the face with a puck as a response.
The hardest position in hockey? Being the referee’s ears, constantly subjected to our complaints.
They say hockey is a gentleman’s sport – that’s why we apologize every time we body-check someone into the boards.
Hockey players don’t need luck, we have superstitions – like only tying our skates in a specific order.
If hockey was easy, they’d call it football…oh wait, that already exists.
There’s no ‘I’ in team, but there is an ‘I’ in ice hockey, and that’s where I shine!
Hockey is the only sport where getting hit in the face can earn you respect and not a trip to the dentist.
Hockey players are the best at multitasking – skating, stick-handling, and breathing through our mouths all at once.
The key to success in hockey? Have a good slapshot and an even better first aid kit.
Hockey is the perfect sport for daredevils – we’re constantly teetering on the edge of glory or embarrassment.
I may not have the best shot accuracy, but I make up for it with lots of enthusiasm and wild swinging.
Hockey players are like penguins on ice – we waddle, occasionally fall flat on our faces, but always get back up.
In hockey, you win some, you lose some, and sometimes you accidentally score on your own net – it happens to the best of us.