Funny Harry Potter Quotes

Happiness can be found even in the darkest of Muggle cupcakes.

I solemnly swear that I am up to no good with these chocolate frogs.

I don’t go looking for trolls, but sometimes they find me in the bathroom.

I don’t have my own Patronus, but I have mastered the spell to summon pizza.

Seven years at Hogwarts and I still can’t figure out how to make a working paper airplane.

I may not be able to lift a car with a spell, but I sure can lift my sofa to find the TV remote.

Forget wingardium leviosa, my superpower is wingardium pizza delivery.

When in doubt, just say ‘Accio coffee!’

I may not have parseltongue, but I can speak fluent sarcasm.

I’ve got 99 problems, but a snitch ain’t one.

Happiness is not having to share my chocolate frogs.

I didn’t choose the wizarding life, the sorting hat chose me.

Always be yourself, unless you can be a wizard. Then always be a wizard.

I may not have a time-turner, but I can control time with a DVR.

The sorting hat told me I belong in Gryffindor, but my heart belongs in the kitchen.

My wand may be 11 inches long, but my patience is only 9 and 3/4 inches.

Quidditch may be exciting, but have you ever tried Quidditch Pong?

Muggles have their own kind of magic – it’s called multitasking.

In queso emergency, summon nachos.

I may not have a cloak of invisibility, but I have mastered the art of hiding in plain sight during family gatherings.

The house-elves have nothing on me when it comes to cleaning up after a party.

I may not be a metamorphmagus, but I can change my hair color with just one trip to the salon.

I solemnly swear that my Netflix binge-watching sessions are beyond Hufflepuff level.

If Hogwarts were a real school, they’d have a course on potion mixology.

The real magic is in finding someone who remembers to DVR your favorite TV shows.

I may not live in a cupboard under the stairs, but my pantry is definitely a magical place of snacks.

I don’t need a time-turner to know that my bedtime is always too late.

Expecto snacks-tronum! The spell to summon delicious treats from the kitchen.

I may have a wand, but my real superpower is making my phone battery last all day.

I’m not a wizard, but I can make a mean potions-themed cocktail.

Even Voldemort has more hair options than I do on a bad hair day.

I solemnly swear that I am the ultimate procrastinator and have mastered the art of last-minute magic.

Accio motivation! Oh wait, it’s hiding under a pile of blankets.

The real magic is being able to find matching socks in the laundry.

I may not have a pet owl, but I can summon pizza delivery faster than you can say ‘Hedwig’.

I don’t need Felix Felicis to know that I have a 99.9% chance of spilling coffee on myself.

The sorting hat would have a hard time placing me, considering my love for all Hogwarts houses.

Forget the golden snitch, the ultimate prize is a hot shower that doesn’t turn cold halfway through.

I may not have a cloak of invisibility, but I can disappear into a book for hours.

I don’t need a Time-Turner to know that breakfast is the most magical meal of the day.

Even the Room of Requirement couldn’t fulfill my snack cravings at 2 am.

I solemnly swear that my favorite spell is ‘Wingardium Leviosa… the laundry pile!’

I may not have a Philosopher’s Stone, but I can turn ordinary ingredients into a delicious meal.

The real magic is finding the TV remote in less than five minutes.

Riddikulus! The spell I use every day to battle my own awkwardness.

I may not be a wandmaker, but I have mastered the art of finding the perfect pen.

I solemnly swear that my wand is definitely not in my other robe pocket.

I didn’t choose the wizarding life, the wizarding life chose me and my epic dance moves.

I may not have a time-turner, but I’ve perfected the art of running late to everything.

The real magic is finding a comfortable position on the couch without disturbing your pet familiar.