Funny football quotes

I told my wife she should stick to one team, but she keeps cheering for the referee.

I asked the football coach if he had any tips for winning. He said, ‘Yeah, try scoring more goals than the other team.’

My friend thinks he’s the best footballer ever. I asked him how many goals he scored last season and he said, ‘Well, I didn’t keep count, but it was definitely more than zero.’

My team is so bad, they could trip over the ball while standing still.

I told my grandpa I was going to be a professional footballer. He said, ‘Good luck, I didn’t even know you played football.’

I asked the footballer if he had any advice for getting fit. He said, ‘Yeah, try running instead of just watching the game.’

I tried to join a football team, but they said my passes were too ‘out of bounds.’ I thought that was the point of the game!

My girlfriend tried to teach me football, but I just couldn’t catch on. It’s like she’s speaking a different language… with lots of hand gestures.

I asked the footballer if he had any pre-game rituals. He said, ‘Yeah, I always tie my shoelaces twice, just to be safe.’

I tried to impress my crush by showing off my football skills. Unfortunately, my skills were more like stumbling over the ball and falling on my face.

My friends bet me I couldn’t name all the football teams in the league. I said, ‘Of course I can, there are only eleven!’

I asked the football coach if he could teach me how to ‘bend it like Beckham.’ He said, ‘Sure, just don’t actually bend yourself in half.’

I told my friends I was going to become a football referee. They said, ‘You’ll make a great villain in a horror movie.’

I tried to impress my date by taking her to a football game. It turns out, she hates football… and me.

I asked the footballer if he had any tips for scoring goals. He said, ‘Yeah, aim for the net, not the spectators.’

My dad said I should become a footballer because I have ‘great footwork.’ Little does he know, he was talking about my dance skills.

I asked the footballer if he had any secrets to staying in shape. He said, ‘Yeah, chasing after the ball for 90 minutes is a good start.’

My teacher asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said, ‘A footballer!’ She said, ‘Well, you’ll definitely have a lot of practice sitting on the bench.’

I tried out for the football team, but they said my skills were too ‘out of bounds.’ I guess I’ll stick to watching the game from the couch.

I asked the football coach if he had any advice for improving my footwork. He said, ‘Yeah, try walking instead of tripping over your own feet.’

My mom said I should become a footballer because I have ‘great hand-eye coordination.’ Little does she know, she was talking about my video game skills.

I asked the footballer if he had any tips for staying focused during a game. He said, ‘Yeah, try not daydreaming about what pizza toppings you want at halftime.’

My friend tried to impress a girl with his football skills, but he ended up hitting her in the face with the ball. I guess he scored a goal… in embarrassment.

I asked the football coach if he had any techniques for scoring goals. He said, ‘Yeah, try kicking the ball, not the other players.’

My teacher asked me what my favorite subject was. I said, ‘Football!’ She said, ‘Well, you’ll definitely need a backup plan.’

I told my mom I was going to become a professional footballer. She said, ‘Great, I always wanted a millionaire son who’s perpetually injured.’

I asked the footballer if he had any advice for staying motivated. He said, ‘Yeah, try pretending the ball is your ex.’

My dad tried to teach me football, but he kept getting distracted by the cheerleaders. I guess he’s more of a fan of the halftime show.

I tried to impress my friends by juggling a football. Unfortunately, I didn’t realize it was flammable and ended up setting it on fire.

I asked the football coach if he had any tips for winning. He said, ‘Yeah, try having more points than the other team at the end of the game.’

My dog ran onto the football field during a game. The coach said, ‘Hey, that’s offside!’ I said, ‘No, that’s just Rover.’

I asked the footballer if he had any advice for getting faster. He said, ‘Yeah, try running instead of jogging backwards.’

I tried to join a football team, but they said I couldn’t play because I didn’t have enough bounce in my step. I guess they didn’t want a human kangaroo.

I asked the footballer if he had any secrets to staying injury-free. He said, ‘Yeah, try not playing against a team of linebacker-sized toddlers.’

My friends asked me if I was going to watch the football match. I said, ‘I prefer watching the snacks disappear from the buffet.’

I tried to impress my date with my football skills, but I accidentally kicked the ball into the face of the referee. I guess he didn’t appreciate my technique.

I asked the football coach if he had any advice for winning. He said, ‘Yeah, try scoring more goals than the other team.’ I said, ‘But what if they score more goals than us?’ He said, ‘Then you’re screwed.’

My cat tried to play football with me, but he kept paw-napping the ball. I guess he prefers a game of cat-and-mouse.

I asked the footballer if he had any tips for staying hydrated during a game. He said, ‘Yeah, try drinking water instead of Gatorade during halftime.’

I tried to impress my friends with my football skills, but I ended up tripping over the grass and face-planting into a puddle. I guess I’m more of a swimming champion.

My girlfriend asked me to explain the offside rule in football. I said, ‘It’s when a player is positioned closer to the goal than the second-to-last defender when the ball is played. Also, it’s when your credit card gets declined.’

I asked the footballer if he had any tips for improving my stamina. He said, ‘Yeah, try not taking a nap during the halftime break.’

My friend thinks he’s the funniest footballer ever. I asked him how many jokes he scored last season and he said, ‘Well, I didn’t keep count, but it was definitely more than zero… I think.’

I tried to join a football team, but they said my tackles were too ‘friendly.’ I guess they didn’t appreciate my ‘bear hug’ technique.

I asked the footballer if he had any advice for staying focused during a game. He said, ‘Yeah, try not thinking about the nachos waiting for you at halftime.’

My friend tried to impress a girl with his football skills, but he ended up kicking the ball into his own face. I guess he scored a goal… in self-depreciation.

I asked the football coach if he could teach me how to do a bicycle kick. He said, ‘Sure, just make sure you’re not riding an actual bicycle at the time.’

My dad tried to teach me football, but he kept getting distracted by the snack bar. I guess he’s more of a fan of halftime treats than touchdown feats.

I tried to impress my crush by showing off my football skills. Instead, I tripped over the sideline and accidentally tackled the mascot. Hello, friend zone.

I asked the footballer if he had any secrets to staying in shape. He said, ‘Yeah, how about not eating an entire pizza before a game?’ I said, ‘Well, there goes my pre-match ritual.’