Funny Famous Quotes

I’m sorry, if you were right, I’d agree with you. – Robin Williams

I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. – Douglas Adams

The trouble with life is there’s no background music. – Michael W. Smith

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals, I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants. – A. Whitney Brown

I can resist everything except temptation. – Oscar Wilde

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. – George Carlin

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member. – Groucho Marx

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin

I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not sure. – Unknown

I’m not clumsy, the floor just hates me, the table and chairs are bullies too. – Unknown

A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it. – Bob Hope

The only reason I would take up jogging is so I could hear heavy breathing again. – Erma Bombeck

I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work. – Thomas Edison

It’s okay to look at the past and the future. Just don’t stare. – Lisa Lieberman-Wang

I’ve been on a calendar, but never on time. – Marilyn Monroe

I asked God for a bike, but I know God doesn’t work that way. So, I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness. – Emo Philips

Funny Famous Quotes part 2

Some people are like clouds. When they disappear, it’s a beautiful day. – Unknown

I’m not sure if I’m depressed. How would I know? I mean, I’m not sad. But I’m not exactly happy either. I can laugh and joke and smile during the day, but sometimes when I’m alone at night, I forget how to feel. – Unknown

The best way to predict the future is to create it. – Peter Drucker

If at first, you don’t succeed, then skydiving definitely isn’t for you. – Steven Wright

I’m not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing. – Unknown

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it. – Unknown

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early. – Charles Lamb

I’m not a vegetarian because I love animals. I’m a vegetarian because I hate plants. – Unknown

Don’t be a hard rock when you’re really a gem. – Lauryn Hill

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes. – Jim Carrey

If you’re going to do something tonight that you’ll be sorry for tomorrow morning, sleep late. – Henry Youngman

The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. – Oscar Wilde

When nothing goes right, go left. – Unknown

I’m not superstitious, but I am a little stitious. – Michael Scott (The Office)

If everybody is thinking alike, then somebody isn’t thinking. – George S. Patton

If you can’t explain it simply, you don’t understand it well enough. – Albert Einstein

Some cause happiness wherever they go; others whenever they go. – Oscar Wilde

I never said most of the things I said. – Yogi Berra

I’m not sure if I have free time or if I’m just forgetting everything. – Unknown

The only way to do great work is to love what you do. – Steve Jobs

The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking spaces. – Will Rogers

Be yourself; everyone else is already taken. – Oscar Wilde

I’m not crazy. My reality is just different than yours. – Cheshire Cat

The only thing that stands between me and total happiness is reality. – Douglas Adams

I’m a mirror. If you’re cool with me, I’m cool with you. The moment you do something to upset me, I’ll strike you out. – Eminem

The future is uncertain, but the end is always near. – Jim Morrison

A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. – Steve Martin

I thought I was wrong once, but I was mistaken. – Unknown

Life is short. Smile while you still have teeth. – Unknown