Funny Fake Quotes

I’m not a fan of sleeping, but I’m definitely a fan of dreaming.

As they say, laughter is the best ab workout.

I’m convinced that my dog is secretly plotting to take over the world.

You can’t buy happiness, but you can buy ice cream, and that’s pretty much the same thing.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I don’t need anger management, I need people to stop irritating me.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just an undercover ninja.

If I were a superhero, my power would be the ability to eat unlimited pizza without gaining weight.

I don’t have a bad handwriting, I have my own font.

I would exercise, but it interferes with my nap schedule.

Life would be so much easier if we could all wear pajamas all day.

If procrastination was an Olympic sport, I would definitely win gold.

I’d rather be a unicorn than a human – at least I’d have an excuse for being so magical.

I have a great fear of speed bumps, but I’m slowly getting over it.

I love when I catch someone staring at me, and I give them the ‘What are you looking at?’ look.

I don’t need a hairstylist, I have a fan that styles my hair perfectly every morning.

I don’t need to brush my teeth, I have a toothpaste flavored mouthwash.

I would exercise, but it cuts into my daily chocolate intake.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just allergic to gravity.

I can resist everything except temptation… and cookies.

I don’t need love, I have Wi-Fi.

I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a very committed relationship.

I have a black belt in sarcasm.

I’m not ignoring you, I’m just practicing my telepathy.

I’m not lazy, I’m just on energy-saving mode.

I don’t trip over things, I do random gravity checks.

I don’t need a hairdresser, I have a gravity defying hairstyle.

Life is too short to be serious all the time. So, if you can’t laugh at yourself, call me – I’ll laugh at you.

I’m not clumsy, I’m just dancing with the floor.

I don’t need an alarm clock, my ideas wake me up.

I don’t snore, I dream loudly.

I’m not old, I’m vintage.

Some people call me crazy, I prefer the term happy with a twist.

I don’t need a gym, I have my own dance moves.

I don’t need a personal trainer, I have a cat that judges me while I exercise.

I don’t fall, I do random gravity checks.

I don’t need a shrink, my cat listens to all my problems and never judges.

I’m not a morning person, I’m not an evening person either. I’m more like a ‘I love sleep’ person.

I don’t have a fear of heights, I have a fear of falling from heights.

I’m not clumsy, I’m a ninja in training.

I don’t believe in luck, I believe in chocolate.

I don’t need to run, my mouth does enough exercises for the both of us.

I’m not a fast runner, I’m just a slow cheetah.

I don’t need a gym membership, I have my TV remote that makes me work out every time I lose it.

I’m not a doctor, but I play one in my daydreams.

I’m not a great cook, but I’m an expert in heating things up.

I don’t believe in diets, I believe in eating cookies.

I don’t need a personal assistant, I have my own personal chaos manager.

I don’t have a fear of clowns, I have a fear of laughing too hard and snorting in public.

I’m not a morning person, unless it’s on a Saturday. Then I’m not a wakeup person at all.