Funny Drake Quotes

I’m on a roll, like toilet paper.

I wear my sunglasses at night, so I can keep track of my enemies in the dark.

They say dress for the job you want, not the job you have. That’s why I’m wearing a cape.

I may not be the hero Gotham deserves, but I’m definitely the one it needs right now.

I’m not saying I’m Batman, but have you ever seen us in the same room together?

I could be a morning person, if morning happened after noon.

If life gives you lemons, make lemonade. If life gives you melons, you’re dyslexic.

I’m not lazy, I’m just in energy-saving mode.

I’m not addicted to coffee, we’re just in a committed relationship.

I’m not clumsy, it’s just that the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

I’m not a complete idiot, some parts are missing.

Just because I’m a genius doesn’t mean I can fix your stupid.

I’m not like other guys. I’m worse.

I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I’m pretty damn close.

I’m not a player, I just crush a lot.

I’m a lover, not a fighter. But I can fight if you don’t love me.

I’m not always right, but when I am, it’s usually because I shut up and listened to my wife.

I’m the reason the gene pool needs a lifeguard.

I’m not a nerd, I just have a high intellectual capacity for useless information.

I’m not crazy. My reality is just different than yours.

I’m not a smartass. I’m a skilled, trained professional in pointing out the obvious.

I may not be a genie, but I can make your dreams come true. All you need is a credit card.

I’m not a photographer, but I can picture us together.

I’m not a weatherman, but expect a few inches tonight.

I’m not a magician, but I can make your clothes disappear.

I’m not Santa Claus, but I’ll still check your list twice.

I’m not a chef, but I can cook up some chemistry between us.

I’m not an artist, but I can sketch us a future together.

I’m not a therapist, but I’ll gladly listen to all your problems over dinner.

I may not be a poet, but I can give you all the right lines.

I’m not a firefighter, but I’ll still make your heart burn.

I’m not an astronaut, but I can take you to the moon and back.

I’m not a singer, but I’ll serenade you with my heart.

I’m not a doctor, but I can cure the loneliness in your soul.

I’m not a lawyer, but I’ll still fight for your love in the court of my heart.

I’m not a snake charmer, but I can charm the pants off you.

I’m not a gardener, but I can plant a seed of love in your heart.

I’m not a DJ, but I can turn up the volume on your happiness.

I’m not a life coach, but I can guide you towards a brighter future.

I’m not a firefighter, but I can ignite the flames of love.

I’m not a chef, but I can cook up some romance.

I’m not a poet, but I can write you a love letter that will make Shakespeare jealous.

I’m not a superhero, but I can save you from a life without love.

I’m not a psychologist, but I can delve into the depths of your heart.

I’m not a teacher, but I can show you the meaning of love.

I’m not a detective, but I can uncover the mysteries of your heart.

I’m not a musician, but I can play the rhythm of your soul.

I’m not a therapist, but I can heal the wounds of your past.

I’m not a mathematician, but I can add joy and subtract sorrow from your life.

I’m not a scientist, but I can create a chemical reaction between us.