Funny Dad Quotes

Dad jokes are like a fine wine – they don’t get better with age.

I was going to tell a joke about pizza, but it’s a little cheesy.

I used to have a job at a bakery, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

I asked my dad why he doesn’t trust stairs. He said, ‘They’re always up to something.’

The shovel was a groundbreaking invention.

I invented a new word: Plagiarism.

My dad can make anything exciting. Just add the word ‘adventure’ to it.

Why did the scarecrow win an award? Because he was outstanding in his field!

I’m reading a book about anti-gravity. It’s impossible to put down!

I told my wife she should do a ‘warm-up’ before exercising. So now she drinks a cup of coffee before her workout.

I asked my dad how he cuts his hair. He said, ‘With a clipper and a prayer!’

I used to hate my beard, but then it grew on me.

I wanted to lose weight, so I went to the park and asked the birds for advice. They told me to eat more worms.

I told my dad I was cold. He said, ‘Go stand in a corner, it’s 90 degrees!’

I used to be a baker, but I couldn’t make enough dough.

Why did the bicycle fall over? It was two-tired!

I asked my dad if he wanted to hear a construction joke. He said, ‘Sure, build me up!’

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!

I told my dad I wanted to be a comedian. He said, ‘Sorry, but I can’t take you seriously.’

I asked my dad if he ever had a mid-life crisis. He said, ‘Nah, I’ve been having a mid-life nap.’

Why don’t elephants use computers? They’re afraid of the mouse!

My dad’s favorite animal is a dad-bod-osaurus – it’s extinct, but still lovable!

I asked my dad if he likes my new haircut. He said, ‘I haven’t seen it yet!’

Why was the math book sad? Because it had too many problems!

I asked my dad if he can put the cat out. He said, ‘I didn’t know it was on fire!’

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!

I asked my dad why he doesn’t trust stairs. He said, ‘They’re always up to something.’

I tried to take a photo of some fog, but I mist.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!

I asked my dad why he doesn’t trust stairs. He said, ‘They’re always up to something.’

I tried to take a photo of some fog, but I mist.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I asked my dad if he can put the cat out. He said, ‘I didn’t know it was on fire!’

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes. She gave me a hug.

Why don’t scientists trust atoms? Because they make up everything!

I asked my dad why he doesn’t trust stairs. He said, ‘They’re always up to something.’

I tried to take a photo of some fog, but I mist.

I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.

Why don’t skeletons fight each other? They don’t have the guts!

Why don’t eggs tell jokes? They might crack up!

I asked my dad why he doesn’t trust stairs. He said, ‘They’re always up to something.’

I tried to take a photo of some fog, but I mist.