Funny Alcohol Quotes

I only drink on days that end in ‘Y’.

I don’t trust people who don’t drink. What’s their secret?

If life gives you lemons, add vodka!

Alcohol: because no great story ever started with someone eating a salad.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine enthusiast.

Wine is the only art you can drink.

I’m not drunk, I’m just having an exciting conversation with the floor.

I’m on a whisky diet. I’ve lost three days already.

Alcohol may be man’s worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.

I love cooking with wine. Sometimes I even add it to the food.

Coffee keeps me going until it’s acceptable to drink alcohol.

I’m not drunk, I’m just intoxicated by you.

Alcohol: because no good story ever starts with a salad.

I like my coffee black and my mornings with a splash of vodka.

I only drink on two occasions: when it’s my birthday and when it’s not.

Beer: helping ugly people have sex since 186

I drink to make other people more interesting.

I’m not a heavy drinker, I’m a refined fermented grape juice taster.

I only drink alcohol on two occasions: when I’m thirsty and when I’m not.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a professional drinker.

Why drink and drive when you can smoke and fly?

I don’t get drunk, I just get less classy and more fun.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine-aholic.

I’m having fruit salad for dinner. Yes, it’s fermented fruit, but it’s still fruit.

Alcohol is not the answer, but it helps you forget the question.

The perfect amount of alcohol is one more.

I love whiskey, it’s like liquid sunshine.

The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind.

In dog beers, I’ve only had one.

Beer: because you can’t solve your problems, but it’s worth a shot.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a professionally trained wine taster.

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.

I’m not drunk, I’m just awesome.

I only drink on days that end in ‘Y’, and sometimes ‘A’, ‘E’, ‘I’, and ‘O’.

Alcohol: because no great story ever starts with someone eating a salad.

I like my wine like I like my humor: dark and dry.

I don’t have a drinking problem, I have a staying sober problem.

I’m not a heavy drinker, I’m just fluent in alcoholic.

I don’t need a hair of the dog that bit me, I need a whole pack.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a connoisseur of fine spirits.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m just thirsty for adventure.

I’m not drunk, I’m just practicing my balance skills.

I’m not a heavy drinker, I’m a wine enthusiast.

Hey, alcohol! You’ve got some big shoes to fill. Good thing I wear high heels.

I’m not drunk, I’m just creatively hydrated.

I don’t drink to forget, I drink to remember why I drank in the first place.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a spirited enthusiast.

I don’t always drink, but when I do, I’m always classy about it.

I’m not an alcoholic, I’m a wine adventurer.

I’m not drunk, I’m just having a spirited conversation with reality.